Feb. 23rd, 2017

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Random calls at 1:30 in the morning woke me up and freaked me out, but neither were Hugo, and neither left a message. I woke up for real when it was still dark out, and a little later got a message from Hugo. I didn't really understand what he was talking about at first, but then it turns out his flight is tomorrow, and could he crash at my place today/tonight. Poor Hugo. 23 is just a bit late in life to still be making that kind of mistake, but this doesn't actually change my plans. Got him settled in, got to work. Getting ahead again, so go me!

Hugo messaged at 4 exactly asking if I was almost home, and he was waiting for me outside when I got there. I got cleaned up, said hi to Lady Miss Friday, and we walked over to Brick Bar. While we walked, he told me about a dream he'd had the night before in which he'd killed me, or possibly I'd just died, but he hid the body anyway. Bela's current project is men jumping naked on a trampoline talking about their first sexual experiences. $40 is $40, and I've done worse for less. He says I'm far and away the most popular of his last projects, the naked lit.....except for one other guy. I was shocked and delighted at the first half, and...what? whothefuckisbeforeme?! He thought that was funny, was shocked at how old I was my first time. I was shocked, in retelling the story, that I don't actually have any complaints about my first time, other than being so old and having a JewFro. I was clean, which is unusual for a bottom's first time, and did better than an average wasted 19 y/o at getting fucked. Fishes take to water like Squeak to bottoming.

We helped Bela pack up, then walked home so I could grab my bags and get fixins for pizza for dinner. On the way, he wanted to stop into Romantix. Some of the stuff I'd be interested in, but not for the $100 they want for it. The highlight of the visit came when browsing DVDs, and there was little old me, face fucking some guy on the back of RFC's PureBred. I'm a *STAR*! Tim asked if he and Pupple could come over later, I deferred to Hugo, Hugo likes Tim's cooking. Okey dokey.

Finally home and he wanted to lay down a bit, eventually putting my hand on his soft dick...which started hardening....and then he fucked me. I'm really glad I got cleaned up before the photoshoot. It wasn't our best fuck, and we didn't use lube, but that would be a really high bar to pass. And as into the fucking as I was, and as much as I needed to concentrate on not cumming too fast, I couldn't help but notice that he's still significantly thinner than he was before Hawaii.

He came inside, on our sides like usual, and I came at the same time, shooting up between our faces. I wish I was a better artist. I'd have made a heart, or a smiley face or the Sistine Chapel or something. I was clean despite the time delay and jumping I'd done, but there was a little blood in the cum. He showered after...and showered, and showered, and finally called me in to tell me to go to the store alone, because he was going to be a lot longer in the nice warm shower. I set it up so he could take a bath - I never shower at home, I'm not worried about my fraction of the water usage.

He should not have sent me to the store alone. I cannot be trusted at a store alone. I walked around trying to remember what he'd put on his pizza last time, what we still had, and what other things he'd ordered on other pizzas. Picked things up, put them back. Walked around the store and around the store and around the store. Finally settled on roasted red pepper spread instead of a can of diced tomatoes for the sauce, and plantain chips and ginger chews for his flight the next day. Tim was already there when I got home, and Hugo seemed irritated that I pulled his attention away from whatever he was doing until he saw I'd gotten him snacks for his trip, and then it was baby this and kisses that. Damn right.

The pizza came out great, and Tim was nice enough to do the dishes. Kirby came home with Cheez-Its and Hersheys, which he offered me. Thanks but still vegan. Kirby and Tim snip worse than Tim and I do, and I get the feeling with Kirby it's not as much of a joke. He's been dating a guy, Chris, for about a week, and the chemistry isn't there. I'd definitely fuck Chris, but refrained from telling Kirby that. I did tell him that it's entirely possible his disinterest with Chris is more about his own situation than Chris.

I was unreasonably exhausted, so I laid down with Lady Miss Friday for all of 5 min before my presence was requested again. Tim and Hugo made sweet potatoes, and Hugo talked about wanting to meet me in Berlin. There's a club called Lab.Oratory there, and in Hugo's words, he would feel like watching his kid at a playground there. So sweet. Kirby chattered on with me about something I was too tired to really focus on. It's his Friday, but it's only my Thursday. Tim was waiting for Tammy to call, and nearly passed out on the floor.

I got ready for bed and under the covers to wait for Hugo. He plugged in his phone next to me, then went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and such. All night long, I kept thinking what an amazing night I'd had, and how happy I was that Hugo had ended up staying an extra day, and I should really let well enough alone. But I'm me and I can't really do that, not with Hugo having browsed my phone a million times, and having a million swirling shady moments of his clouding my brain. The Daddy, the orgies with Paul, the late nights, the shifting schedules, and strange silences. I couldn't quite remember his password at first, but got in on the 3rd try. And there was a message to Paul, thanking him for a great time. It was yesterday afternoon, when I would have been on my lunch break. Paul had bottomed, Hugo had cum too quickly. I didn't have time to look at any other texts because I was already having trouble seeing.

I was a bit stunned and upset, some of which is strictly internal. I'm feeling less than attractive right now. I've been declined from the last two sex parties I requested, I'm not getting cast, and of course, I haven't had sex with Hugo since before Hawaii and I've severely curtailed my own sexcapades to hang out with him. So I'm upset, but not nearly as upset as I'd have been if I'd given up men entirely while waiting for his libido to come back. Which it apparently did. On his "last day." But not for me. People are so predictable. He came back to lay down, and I showed him his phone. He wanted to know why I looked - yes, he looked through my phone regularly, but I don't have a password on mine, so I must be okay with people going through it. Okay, well you entered your password in front of me, so you must've been okay with me knowing it.

He apologized profusely, asked me to say something/anything, asked me what I felt. Nothing right now. I'm gonna need some time before I feel anything, and we don't have time. He explained that we're not anything, which, okay, but then what the fuck are you doing about to sleep in my bed? He didn't even finish the statement, because while we're not boyfriends, we're obviously not "nothing." I asked to just go to bed several times, and after about 20 min of him laying on me, putting my dead arms around him and pleading, he acquiesced. But only for a few minutes. Then he turned the lights on again, and said he'd get an Uber in the morning, despite being nearly out of money for this trip. Okay. He explained he hadn't meant to fuck him, it just happened. When he saw Paul on Grindr, messaged him, and said he wanted him. Yes, that's usually how it happens. After a little more pleading, he laid down again for a minute, but then decided to go to the airport now and wait for his flight in the morning and finally left.

Okay.

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