So, Are You Dating Your Brother?
Jun. 11th, 2008 08:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryTuesday - Ashley was supposed to come into town, so we figured that we'd get together with her or similar. Turns out her flight didn't come in until 11, so that was a no-go. Ken still had the feeling that we had plans or something, but couldn't think of what. E-mailing back and forth with Aimee, and one of the last ones she sent me asked who "my little vegan friend" was. I thought we'd seen Ashley before the cruise, so I looked over my journal entries from the past 6 months or so.....not a bright idea. I was downright depressed when I got out of work....I logged on to the computer at home, and bazu had posted a thing about being sad, the ppk had posted pics and links to cheer her up. It didn't work so well for her, but did wonders for me. I was good and pleasant when Ken came home - I'd successfully eaten only a bowl of oatmeal and a larabar for the day, though sex didn't come up. He asked what I wanted to do for the evening - I suggested either Club San Diego, or volunteering for Mama's Kitchen or similar. He decided on neither of those, but also had no suggestions of his own to throw out. He had some chips and salsa, and then we snuggled on the couch and watched Voyager.
When Voyager was done, he started asking me what was for dinner...this rarely ends well. At first, he wanted to go on what we already had in the house....I'm the only one who buys groceries anymore, or eats at home with any kind of regularity, so I only buy for me. This means we have frozen veggies, TVP, and oatmeal. I own about 5 cookbooks, and another 4 cookzines, and went through all of them. Came out with quite a long list of stuff that he didn't want - burgers, sammiches, pizza, pizza rolls, enchiladas, tacos, burritos, Chinese, Japanese, Sushi, Thai/Amarin, stir-fry, Indian, BBQ, anything with red sauce, white sauce, or cheese sauce, stew, dumplings, polenta, soup, pasta of any kind......He mentioned he wanted stuff we could share, and I was touched, as I always am when someone wants to partake in vegan food. Still, when he got done vetoing everything, I was not only tired of suggesting stuff at that point, I also didn't want to buy any ingredients or make anything. I retired to our room and pulled up a couple links for my last ditch ideas - perhaps a phyllo wrapped something (birdsnest or the like), or some other, non-pizza roll type thing, waitin for him to ask again or come up with an idea, and played video games for a while. Instead, he watched TV for another hour and half or so, and told me he was ordering (non-vegan dish) from Amarin, and did I want anything. I...well..er....share? vegan? the fact that I already suggested that place and you vetoed it? Further, if we were going to just do our own thing for dinner, why didn't you just say that? To his credit, he was very very loving all night long. Made with the kisses and the affection, and the "I Love Yous".
I went with him to pick it up - it came to about $10. I get frustrated, because he's just buying one meal for him. That same $10 could buy the groceries for 2-3 meals that would feed both of us, or just him for 6-8 meals if he was down with leftovers. It's not my money, I don't care. Before we left and on the way there, he apologized for being such a pain in the ass about things - he apparently hadn't even heard me when I suggested Amarin...I guess he just vetoed without hearing? Anyway, I made my own dinner at home - veggies, a little TVP, some Braggs and chili sauce. It was really tasty, and far fewer calories than I would have had otherwise. I was going to play some video games, or burn porn or something, but really just didn't want to sit in front of the computer anymore. We snorgled on the couch and watched LOGO's Laughing Out Loud - the lesbian on wasn't very good. Some of her jokes were old, some should have been phrased differently, and some were just bad. I was in the kitchen, making an emergen-c, when Ken came in to bug me. Overheard the TV talking about HIV, and how you should get tested every 3-6 months, use protection all the time. I kind of wanted to cry.
I've been getting really bitter lately about that. So many men, both + and -, are only interested in BB these days. This used to be no problem - I had bunches of them pursuing me, so to weed out the ones that just wanted to BB was no big deal. Now that I'm +, this is not the case. I used to go back and forth, about if I could go back and insist that he get tested, would I? I used to side on "no", because I was madly in love, and what's done is done, etc. etc. Now I don't. I was so damn good while I was single. He wasn't. I didn't even realize how good I was until now, or how low the risk was. One guy was in me for a second (before I rather forcefully insisted on protection), and I was terrified. Eager, even, to get tested, because the possibility that I might have it, not know it and give it to him was unbearable. Now that I think about it, I was having safe sex with a positive man for two months, almost everyday, and didn't get anything. It's not fair that I was careful and still got it. It's not fair that he lied to me about how he would never hurt me, or "I only bb with a boyfriend", or the difficulty of him getting out of work for the test. Hell, he's stayed home just for the hell of it, he could easily have taken a couple hours to get tested. I think he heard the same thing I heard, and could probably imagine at least the subject, if not the specifics. He kissed me more, hugged me tight, and teased me about how much Emergen-C I go through.
He turned off the TV and went into our room to check myspace and stuff. I added some rum to my drink and joined him. He putzed about on the computer for a while, and I read some of my instruction manual for the phone. He was being affectionate again, told me he loved me, that I had no reason to have been emo earlier that day ("Really? I can print the entries for you.")and I made him promise a couple times - he rhetorically asked me if he'd given me any reason to doubt that ("Lately?")...he let that go, and said how very loving he's been... to which I responded "You mean when you're not drunk and starting fights?". I visited the hunger site and related, set out my clothes for the next day, and got cleaned up. I hate doing it with him right there in the next room, but at least I was fast.
We laid down, and it took a while, but we eventually had sex. Pretty good sex, at that. He's really taken my thing about positions to heart - he fucked me on my side for a little while, and then turned so that he was perpendicular to me. I'm not even sure how that one worked, but it seemed to work well for him. I'm just glad to be changing things up. I had meant to talk to him about me never topping, but I thought we'd covered enough problems for the night. Sleep was unusually good.
When Voyager was done, he started asking me what was for dinner...this rarely ends well. At first, he wanted to go on what we already had in the house....I'm the only one who buys groceries anymore, or eats at home with any kind of regularity, so I only buy for me. This means we have frozen veggies, TVP, and oatmeal. I own about 5 cookbooks, and another 4 cookzines, and went through all of them. Came out with quite a long list of stuff that he didn't want - burgers, sammiches, pizza, pizza rolls, enchiladas, tacos, burritos, Chinese, Japanese, Sushi, Thai/Amarin, stir-fry, Indian, BBQ, anything with red sauce, white sauce, or cheese sauce, stew, dumplings, polenta, soup, pasta of any kind......He mentioned he wanted stuff we could share, and I was touched, as I always am when someone wants to partake in vegan food. Still, when he got done vetoing everything, I was not only tired of suggesting stuff at that point, I also didn't want to buy any ingredients or make anything. I retired to our room and pulled up a couple links for my last ditch ideas - perhaps a phyllo wrapped something (birdsnest or the like), or some other, non-pizza roll type thing, waitin for him to ask again or come up with an idea, and played video games for a while. Instead, he watched TV for another hour and half or so, and told me he was ordering (non-vegan dish) from Amarin, and did I want anything. I...well..er....share? vegan? the fact that I already suggested that place and you vetoed it? Further, if we were going to just do our own thing for dinner, why didn't you just say that? To his credit, he was very very loving all night long. Made with the kisses and the affection, and the "I Love Yous".
I went with him to pick it up - it came to about $10. I get frustrated, because he's just buying one meal for him. That same $10 could buy the groceries for 2-3 meals that would feed both of us, or just him for 6-8 meals if he was down with leftovers. It's not my money, I don't care. Before we left and on the way there, he apologized for being such a pain in the ass about things - he apparently hadn't even heard me when I suggested Amarin...I guess he just vetoed without hearing? Anyway, I made my own dinner at home - veggies, a little TVP, some Braggs and chili sauce. It was really tasty, and far fewer calories than I would have had otherwise. I was going to play some video games, or burn porn or something, but really just didn't want to sit in front of the computer anymore. We snorgled on the couch and watched LOGO's Laughing Out Loud - the lesbian on wasn't very good. Some of her jokes were old, some should have been phrased differently, and some were just bad. I was in the kitchen, making an emergen-c, when Ken came in to bug me. Overheard the TV talking about HIV, and how you should get tested every 3-6 months, use protection all the time. I kind of wanted to cry.
I've been getting really bitter lately about that. So many men, both + and -, are only interested in BB these days. This used to be no problem - I had bunches of them pursuing me, so to weed out the ones that just wanted to BB was no big deal. Now that I'm +, this is not the case. I used to go back and forth, about if I could go back and insist that he get tested, would I? I used to side on "no", because I was madly in love, and what's done is done, etc. etc. Now I don't. I was so damn good while I was single. He wasn't. I didn't even realize how good I was until now, or how low the risk was. One guy was in me for a second (before I rather forcefully insisted on protection), and I was terrified. Eager, even, to get tested, because the possibility that I might have it, not know it and give it to him was unbearable. Now that I think about it, I was having safe sex with a positive man for two months, almost everyday, and didn't get anything. It's not fair that I was careful and still got it. It's not fair that he lied to me about how he would never hurt me, or "I only bb with a boyfriend", or the difficulty of him getting out of work for the test. Hell, he's stayed home just for the hell of it, he could easily have taken a couple hours to get tested. I think he heard the same thing I heard, and could probably imagine at least the subject, if not the specifics. He kissed me more, hugged me tight, and teased me about how much Emergen-C I go through.
He turned off the TV and went into our room to check myspace and stuff. I added some rum to my drink and joined him. He putzed about on the computer for a while, and I read some of my instruction manual for the phone. He was being affectionate again, told me he loved me, that I had no reason to have been emo earlier that day ("Really? I can print the entries for you.")and I made him promise a couple times - he rhetorically asked me if he'd given me any reason to doubt that ("Lately?")...he let that go, and said how very loving he's been... to which I responded "You mean when you're not drunk and starting fights?". I visited the hunger site and related, set out my clothes for the next day, and got cleaned up. I hate doing it with him right there in the next room, but at least I was fast.
We laid down, and it took a while, but we eventually had sex. Pretty good sex, at that. He's really taken my thing about positions to heart - he fucked me on my side for a little while, and then turned so that he was perpendicular to me. I'm not even sure how that one worked, but it seemed to work well for him. I'm just glad to be changing things up. I had meant to talk to him about me never topping, but I thought we'd covered enough problems for the night. Sleep was unusually good.
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