Side Quests
Aug. 16th, 2021 07:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryJulian gave extensive directions to let him sleep all day so I did. Even turned off his alarm and a random phone number that called. Usual morning chores, though I had to go find Gizmo since he went out on the town last night. He seemed very happy to be back and get breakfast.... right up until he finished, and then he meowed to go out again. Kids. Got my time off requested and calendared, resisted the urge to handle eservice for whoever's turn it was. I journaled for most of my lunch, intent on not just work/life balance, but my own priorities as well. I managed to get all of today and tomorrow's work except the NOAs for tomorrow. It's fine. I also called my bank because I didn't see the Pending 600 from Julian's bank anymore. They also saw no sign of anything.
Julian woke a little after 2, I think, and talked to his mom for a while while he walked around. I kept meaning to go talk to him, but I was too intent on getting that work done before I had to clock out. Julian was very embarrassed by the wake of his inebriated feast and rushed to clean it up. I didn't care about the mess, I just thought it might be an indicator that help is needed. It obviously took a lot for me to give up every substance I've dropped, so I'm unsurprised if it takes a lot for him. More than that, the sheer availability and social acceptability of booze makes that hard.
He said the pharmacy closed at 4 and he'd forgotten about my appointment so we just carpooled, though he was also irritated that he'd have to wait after. It was fine. The dentist was very personable, I gave a brief rundown of why my teeth are so fucked, and we kept everyone in great spirits. I also asked about that $950 from last time, since the claim was only for $400. Whoops! They overcharged me, but I should eventually get the EOBs to get my money back. Fun.
Julian had embarked on a small adventure - his second shot was no problem, but he forgot his card so he could get his sticker. Proof of vaccination is becoming increasingly important, so no problem at all to swing back down and grab that. Bonus, since he's getting vaxxed, his mom is going to as well. Other Julian had also contacted him - something about a fight with the ex he was living with. So he was there, too. He also had to get fuel and cigarettes, so I just sat outside on the wall and enjoyed saying hi to all the dogs going for walks. Kind of ironic to have to wait an extra hour given the previous complaints, but there were dogs. He gotten me some sour candy from the store, and Other Julian gave me the last of a couple sour watermelons he'd been eating. Not the best choice right after a root canal, but it should be fine. It led to lots of jokes about sex with food, like eating his ass with sour syrup. I told him the $600 had disappeared, he called his bank. They couldn't help him since it was after hours, but he was very nice to whoever he was talking to, so I was happy. The store was fine, though I went ahead and snagged my prescriptions from the dentist. Just a Z-Pack and 800mg ibuprofen, but the young lady at the pharmacy's name tag said "I love dancing." Doesn't take much to get me chatting, so we talked about coming to dance late and the needs and ways we still keep it in our lives. I was pretty into the discussion, not that I'm observant at any time so I was surprised when Julian appeared next to me, warning her about getting dragged into a conversation with me. It was hilarious. Since Other Julian was with us, we snagged some items for Taco Night. Other Julian asked for some fruit, which I had no problem getting for him, but then opted for one of the sushi servings instead. And then some extra tortillas and a couple other things. My Julian took over the things Other Julian wanted and I just took care of the things we actually needed.
Julian fed his kids, snagged a beer, and suggested we start cooking in about an hour. Fine by me. As soon as the frozen groceries were put away, I ran to Lady Miss Friday. Her pupils were huge and she started distressed meowing before vomiting up yet more hairballs. I guess that's at least efficient. Since she'd vomited on every blanket & sheet, it was definitely time for laundry. The washing machine got stuck when I put the quarters in, I asked a neighbor for help, they directed me to Dorota, the apt manager. She also couldn't help, just told me to call the number on the wall for the company. I did already contact management about shifting to the app instead of quarters months and months ago, but sure. My Julian was tipsy and upset that I'd even tried, since he'd offered to go to the laundry mat tomorrow. Sober Squeak is much better able to respond to Grumpy Bear Julian, and Julian himself is tending less towards rage. Other Julian was able to get the machine working...right after I put a quarter in the other machine. I have no idea if someone else put extra quarters in there or the cost difference is just insane, but I got all of LMF's blankets and Julian's clothes washed for under $3. Score! Something happened to our sliding door, but I couldn't tell what. Since Julian's stuff is all still piled in the corner, I figured it maybe just had something to do with that? No clue.
My Julian played some music and kept asking if it was okay, if I was okay. Not sure if I had RBF or what, and still very firm that I do not want to push him towards anything but independence. We've cleared a metric fuckton of the Trauma Mountains, but there's leagues to go. Other Julian gave me a hit of his poppers since I guess I gave him a bottle before. Plus that whole...bitch thing. That did work to calm me down. No idea if I'm just a bitch because there's so much happening, I haven't been eating much, or I need to work through some things, but if poppers take the edge off, that's one more bonus. Julian and I tag teamed the tacos. I'm fine at cooking and following directions, I just don't care as long as it's vegan, so it makes sense for Julian to take a hand as well. Other Julian was going to go for a long walk with his cousin, though his cousin kept delaying his arrival time. I had no idea how much Other Julian would eat and no idea if his cousin was going to join us, so I just grabbed the old tortillas my Julian had tossed in the recycle bin and filled them with soy curls, salsa, and sour cream instead of using the "beef" we'd cooked or any of the fancy tortillas. I made two but preemptively put one of them away. I can always open Tupperware, but I'm very, very likely to eat everything in front of me if I let myself. My Julian passed out on the couch next to Kujo, Gizmo came by for attention while I was sitting there. That's one of the nice things about our relationship - in showing Julian actual affection, I'm also showing him that his kids need more than canned food from him. On the phone with his mom earlier, she'd "jokingly" called me a whipped bitch over my devotion to Lady Miss Friday. IDGAF, I mostly just scream at myself over having so little to show for that devotion. So far.
ETA: Therapy
Been a busy week, and this is the first I've been able to go over my therapy session. I feel like I'm very close to achieving The Quest, but like...what then? Cool that I get to numb out, but I still have things I want to do. Lady Miss Friday might not mind, really, if I spent all night effectively stoned out of my mind, though I'm trying to give her more pets and such - more actual attention instead of company. Kind of similar to my efforts with Julian, come to think of it. And apparently folks keep giving her weed, but she smokes *maybe* 1/week, because she loves it too much. I obviously don't have that kind of control, but the current plan is to find that other drug to sub with weed so that my tolerance never gets up there. She also pointed out that the combo trauma and chemical use (incl booze) make it very impressive that I graduated, and how unfortunate it is that I didn't get help sooner. Shoulda woulda coulda. She also noted that most of Tim's initial sessions with her were just about how he could help me. I'm aware the Scoreboard is only in my head, but... she also said I was already doing massively better when she first met me. Reminds me of Tiffany saying his (our) addictions felt like they sort of needed to happen. I think of it as when you have to re-break a bone to set it. She asked how my emotional state has been, 10 manic and 1 being suicidal. I haven't felt much lately - I've felt like I'm holding my breath waiting for something. She also asked about my anxiety, but I never even knew I had anxiety until Kathi pointed out that my intrusive thoughts and such were signs of it. I mentioned Julian's progress and she noted that it takes a village. I believe there's potential in Julian, which there likely is not for Jared. Just as an example. She really wanted me to write, eventually, about why the system - mostly the food chain and competition for resources - is not terrible. I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that. All I can do there is try not to think about it. Thus the Quest. She said I was bassically raised to be depressed? Couldn't follow that part.
Julian woke a little after 2, I think, and talked to his mom for a while while he walked around. I kept meaning to go talk to him, but I was too intent on getting that work done before I had to clock out. Julian was very embarrassed by the wake of his inebriated feast and rushed to clean it up. I didn't care about the mess, I just thought it might be an indicator that help is needed. It obviously took a lot for me to give up every substance I've dropped, so I'm unsurprised if it takes a lot for him. More than that, the sheer availability and social acceptability of booze makes that hard.
He said the pharmacy closed at 4 and he'd forgotten about my appointment so we just carpooled, though he was also irritated that he'd have to wait after. It was fine. The dentist was very personable, I gave a brief rundown of why my teeth are so fucked, and we kept everyone in great spirits. I also asked about that $950 from last time, since the claim was only for $400. Whoops! They overcharged me, but I should eventually get the EOBs to get my money back. Fun.
Julian had embarked on a small adventure - his second shot was no problem, but he forgot his card so he could get his sticker. Proof of vaccination is becoming increasingly important, so no problem at all to swing back down and grab that. Bonus, since he's getting vaxxed, his mom is going to as well. Other Julian had also contacted him - something about a fight with the ex he was living with. So he was there, too. He also had to get fuel and cigarettes, so I just sat outside on the wall and enjoyed saying hi to all the dogs going for walks. Kind of ironic to have to wait an extra hour given the previous complaints, but there were dogs. He gotten me some sour candy from the store, and Other Julian gave me the last of a couple sour watermelons he'd been eating. Not the best choice right after a root canal, but it should be fine. It led to lots of jokes about sex with food, like eating his ass with sour syrup. I told him the $600 had disappeared, he called his bank. They couldn't help him since it was after hours, but he was very nice to whoever he was talking to, so I was happy. The store was fine, though I went ahead and snagged my prescriptions from the dentist. Just a Z-Pack and 800mg ibuprofen, but the young lady at the pharmacy's name tag said "I love dancing." Doesn't take much to get me chatting, so we talked about coming to dance late and the needs and ways we still keep it in our lives. I was pretty into the discussion, not that I'm observant at any time so I was surprised when Julian appeared next to me, warning her about getting dragged into a conversation with me. It was hilarious. Since Other Julian was with us, we snagged some items for Taco Night. Other Julian asked for some fruit, which I had no problem getting for him, but then opted for one of the sushi servings instead. And then some extra tortillas and a couple other things. My Julian took over the things Other Julian wanted and I just took care of the things we actually needed.
Julian fed his kids, snagged a beer, and suggested we start cooking in about an hour. Fine by me. As soon as the frozen groceries were put away, I ran to Lady Miss Friday. Her pupils were huge and she started distressed meowing before vomiting up yet more hairballs. I guess that's at least efficient. Since she'd vomited on every blanket & sheet, it was definitely time for laundry. The washing machine got stuck when I put the quarters in, I asked a neighbor for help, they directed me to Dorota, the apt manager. She also couldn't help, just told me to call the number on the wall for the company. I did already contact management about shifting to the app instead of quarters months and months ago, but sure. My Julian was tipsy and upset that I'd even tried, since he'd offered to go to the laundry mat tomorrow. Sober Squeak is much better able to respond to Grumpy Bear Julian, and Julian himself is tending less towards rage. Other Julian was able to get the machine working...right after I put a quarter in the other machine. I have no idea if someone else put extra quarters in there or the cost difference is just insane, but I got all of LMF's blankets and Julian's clothes washed for under $3. Score! Something happened to our sliding door, but I couldn't tell what. Since Julian's stuff is all still piled in the corner, I figured it maybe just had something to do with that? No clue.
My Julian played some music and kept asking if it was okay, if I was okay. Not sure if I had RBF or what, and still very firm that I do not want to push him towards anything but independence. We've cleared a metric fuckton of the Trauma Mountains, but there's leagues to go. Other Julian gave me a hit of his poppers since I guess I gave him a bottle before. Plus that whole...bitch thing. That did work to calm me down. No idea if I'm just a bitch because there's so much happening, I haven't been eating much, or I need to work through some things, but if poppers take the edge off, that's one more bonus. Julian and I tag teamed the tacos. I'm fine at cooking and following directions, I just don't care as long as it's vegan, so it makes sense for Julian to take a hand as well. Other Julian was going to go for a long walk with his cousin, though his cousin kept delaying his arrival time. I had no idea how much Other Julian would eat and no idea if his cousin was going to join us, so I just grabbed the old tortillas my Julian had tossed in the recycle bin and filled them with soy curls, salsa, and sour cream instead of using the "beef" we'd cooked or any of the fancy tortillas. I made two but preemptively put one of them away. I can always open Tupperware, but I'm very, very likely to eat everything in front of me if I let myself. My Julian passed out on the couch next to Kujo, Gizmo came by for attention while I was sitting there. That's one of the nice things about our relationship - in showing Julian actual affection, I'm also showing him that his kids need more than canned food from him. On the phone with his mom earlier, she'd "jokingly" called me a whipped bitch over my devotion to Lady Miss Friday. IDGAF, I mostly just scream at myself over having so little to show for that devotion. So far.
ETA: Therapy
Been a busy week, and this is the first I've been able to go over my therapy session. I feel like I'm very close to achieving The Quest, but like...what then? Cool that I get to numb out, but I still have things I want to do. Lady Miss Friday might not mind, really, if I spent all night effectively stoned out of my mind, though I'm trying to give her more pets and such - more actual attention instead of company. Kind of similar to my efforts with Julian, come to think of it. And apparently folks keep giving her weed, but she smokes *maybe* 1/week, because she loves it too much. I obviously don't have that kind of control, but the current plan is to find that other drug to sub with weed so that my tolerance never gets up there. She also pointed out that the combo trauma and chemical use (incl booze) make it very impressive that I graduated, and how unfortunate it is that I didn't get help sooner. Shoulda woulda coulda. She also noted that most of Tim's initial sessions with her were just about how he could help me. I'm aware the Scoreboard is only in my head, but... she also said I was already doing massively better when she first met me. Reminds me of Tiffany saying his (our) addictions felt like they sort of needed to happen. I think of it as when you have to re-break a bone to set it. She asked how my emotional state has been, 10 manic and 1 being suicidal. I haven't felt much lately - I've felt like I'm holding my breath waiting for something. She also asked about my anxiety, but I never even knew I had anxiety until Kathi pointed out that my intrusive thoughts and such were signs of it. I mentioned Julian's progress and she noted that it takes a village. I believe there's potential in Julian, which there likely is not for Jared. Just as an example. She really wanted me to write, eventually, about why the system - mostly the food chain and competition for resources - is not terrible. I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that. All I can do there is try not to think about it. Thus the Quest. She said I was bassically raised to be depressed? Couldn't follow that part.
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