thepnutgallery | Sunrise Afternoon (Reply)

There were only 29 items total in eservice, but I was open about doing a ton of it contemporaneously yesterday and the intention behind it. Get caught up on case offers, or claims, or anything else. We had our meeting and it was a surprisingly matter-of-fact meeting about the expected start date for the 1/week attendance in the office. I have no poker face, so I just had to wipe the bleakness from the screen occasionally. I found out JJD is going for two weeks, so I agreed to take his claims and do eservice for him on Wednesdays. And then I worked up all his claims in the queue and all the eservice that came in during the day for his digits and mine, because we hadn't decided who was going to, so I figured I'd make life easier for them. And then when the question came up whether we would split it or give it to Lynelle, I volunteered to take it. At least now I won't steal work from others for the next couple weeks.

Dave messaged me to check in and I realized I hadn't told him I'd gotten hitched. He was blunt as ever. He hopes I'm happy but doesn't trust Julian. Entirely understandable. Kevin messaged me all day, asking me to come over before the pre-Happy Hour so he could fuck me. I didn't think I'd be able to get cleaned up and get there in time right after work, but like...it's supposed to turn into an orgy. It's not like we're not going to fuck. Tim asked if I was going to the event tonight and asked if I'd be upset if he was there. I hadn't realized Tim was on the list, but it makes no nevermind to me. I thought about telling Julian but figured it would just send demons. Nothing was certain and nothing had happened yet. Julian called me after work and chatted about adventures with his family. We also talked again about tonight, he asked me to call him as soon as I got home, give him all the details, etc. Can do. This is why we talk. I talked again about the importance of getting any fears or apprehensions out there ASAP so they don't fester. And the importance of examining jealousy when it creeps in. I might buy us both copies of The Ethical Slut. I was supposed to read it years ago but since I hoped to stay single forever...As the conversation started stumbling, I wondered if he was hoping to keep me on the phone until I missed the event. His parents called him away to dinner, I made sure I was ready...and hesitated. Some homebody, some apprehension about going to a Happy Hour/Orgy now that I've got a relationship. But that apprehension itself is the reason I needed to go. Not going today wouldn't make it go away. If anything, it would make it stronger.

The event was much, much sparser than last time, which was surprising. I guess having it every other week no one feels it's a priority. Bonus: Michael & Jeff were there! Jeff poured me a drink but offered that if it wasn't strong enough, he'd add more. So I knew it would be a doozy and took my time. We talked about the marriage and my paranoia. If he's a sociopath using me...using me for what? Seems like a lot of effort to get back to San Diego. I also saw Peter there and he said such warm, insightful comments I swear I felt waves of cascading light. He thanked me for the Music Group, and for my analysis on each of my entries. We also talked about relationships. He's had some rough times with his husband but he's happy with even the experience. For me, I might not be happy in the end. I can't control life, only myself. But I'm happy with my decision right now. He said a lot of things that exactly mirrored my own thoughts on meeting him. Not to get too Bohemian, but we're on the astoundingly precise same frequency.

The time ticked past seven, some people left and some stayed. Then they played "See Ya Later" or some other such song and a few more people left. I figured maybe I'd go and just like...wait in the car or something, but Michael was talking to me and pulled me back into place. Kevin finally sent me a message that Dan wasn't feeling up to it. Would've been nice to know 30 minutes ago. We helped clean up, Michael & Jeff stayed back and I left anyway. Maybe Dan just didn't want me. IDGAF. I had a magnificent, amazing time, and I'm so happy I went.

I was so excited to tell Julian all about the night that I called him as soon as I walked in the door. No answer. No worries. I figured he'd see I called and give a call back whenever he finished whatever he was doing. Tim called me after and asked about the party. At least I got to ramble on to someone about how surprisingly wonderful it was. I asked why he didn't attend, and he said something about...I don't know, work or Pupple or arthritis or something. I felt like it was more to avoid anything that might upset Julian. I was surprisingly tired fairly early, so I crashed around 10.