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thepnutgalleryI woke up in the middle of the night, let Lady Miss Friday out, popped a Seroquel and hopped on the computer. Julian eventually texted back that his hobbies are gardening, cooking, and his cats. Technically, he just said "gardening cooking my cats," but I knew what he meant. That doesn't give me much to go on for ideas for his visit, but I'm working very very hard to keep expectations and responsibility for the visit to a minimum. Unfortunately, it still felt too bright, even with a lamp and Night Mode on. I journaled and logged in to my work email to try to piece together the days I was missing. There was an email from Lynelle at around 1am, explaining that they had to put Scotch down. Seems to be the weekend for it. I managed to sleep for a couple hours, and woke up to a text from Dave. Sandor couldn't take being in the room while Nikita, his dog, was euthanized, so Dave had to. I'm far less understanding than Dave. I get that it's hard, but JFC, you're not the one dying. I also got a text from Colleen - Jared was arrested for assault, currently in jail. Tim called, and we discussed that tempering context of discovering the various factors at play in our youth. I compare it to Sweet Nothing. Yeah, the guy is horrible, deserves it, but it's still so uncomfortable watching someone get curb stomped.
I checked with Chip on when he's planning to visit and offered to e-sign docs if he decided against coming down. Sam stopped by, honestly seeming a little high on molly or something. But I was already drinking and smoking, so certainly no judgement. More importantly, I gave him the last tidbit of GHB I'd found a while back. I kept thinking about throwing it away or using it myself, as you're aware, but the same problem as when I tried to quit back in 2019 stopped me. I can't stop thinking about the waste. He can use the stuff recreationally, it'll be fine. He helped clarify my thoughts on Jared. As you're aware, Jared channeled everything externally, where I channeled things internally. He bassically said he's seen this play before, and while the total damage stays the same, people who externalize pain have much more collateral damage. Internalizers obviously do it all to ourselves, but we also tend to tap out more often than externalizers, and that ends up causing a lot of collateral damage. He also wanted to make sure I knew he was totally down if Julian and I wanted to tag team him.
I checked with Chip on when he's planning to visit and offered to e-sign docs if he decided against coming down. Sam stopped by, honestly seeming a little high on molly or something. But I was already drinking and smoking, so certainly no judgement. More importantly, I gave him the last tidbit of GHB I'd found a while back. I kept thinking about throwing it away or using it myself, as you're aware, but the same problem as when I tried to quit back in 2019 stopped me. I can't stop thinking about the waste. He can use the stuff recreationally, it'll be fine. He helped clarify my thoughts on Jared. As you're aware, Jared channeled everything externally, where I channeled things internally. He bassically said he's seen this play before, and while the total damage stays the same, people who externalize pain have much more collateral damage. Internalizers obviously do it all to ourselves, but we also tend to tap out more often than externalizers, and that ends up causing a lot of collateral damage. He also wanted to make sure I knew he was totally down if Julian and I wanted to tag team him.
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