thepnutgallery | All Shades of Blue (Reply)

Woke up too early, but laid with Lady Miss Friday, just sort of grateful that it was the weekend. I texted Julian asking about his hobbies. I don't really feel bad that I don't know them, because we were so immersed in bar culture. I tried to think of whatall I needed to do for the day, and finally made a list. I settled on a breathalyzer, found the best price for it, then beat off for a few hours on (almost) every substance available to me. Weed, booze, and Seroquel. And I started again looking for relatively safe research chems. Apparently, a hammer is coming down for them at the end of the month.

I beat off some, but then Tim messaged me that he was close and wanted to swing by0. It was very enlightening, and gave me some keys. My tendency towards obsession might be a reaction to depression. And so might my inability to tell things apart. All part of numbing. And I can't lose something if I never loved it. Might also relate to the Scoreboard, since as long as I'm giving more, I'm safe. We wandered on to the topic of The Last Unicorn, and of course I mentioned Haggard's sociopathic depression. He noted that bassically every character in the book had depression. Sort of fascinating, really. I don't even know how it came up, but I wrote down "Brain trapped in overwhelming emotion," which follows naturally since I connected with that line from Reasons I Drink "I feel everything so deeply when I'm not medicated."