thepnutgallery | Nighty Maus (Reply)

Tim called me in the morning and I told him about Julian's upcoming visit. He was the one who pointed out my setting boundaries, but he also said I'm risking my own recovery trying to carrot on a stick bargain my way to Julian's recovery. Apparently it's common in sobriety recovery as well, but at some point, the deal falls through and all the recovery that's been achieved is undone. I couldn't find anything about that concept in a brief search, but I also had to focus on actually working. In dehoboing for the meeting, I briefly considered just wetting my hair down, but I cut it instead. If it was a little longer, I might have tried to grow it out again into my favorite hairstyle, but I just buzzed it completely. When my turn came to check in, I talked about my error with the stereo headphones, but also how I was much less draconian about the mistake than usual. Xochi suggested an adapter instead of returning them, so I went looking for them. What I mostly got were people asking for them and being told the 40 mm was just a cover for the 3.5, and sure enough, that was the case. MAGIC. I also brought up Julian's pending visit and Allan's resume, and I'll email them about the latter 'little later. And I talked about how happy I was to feel like I was finally completely on top of everything thanks to the Queue Continuum. I went ahead and used the headphone story to do my Xly Check-In.

We had a Zoom Happy Hour at 5, so I went ahead and poured some wine, and I noticed when I went to forward the invite over to my home email that there were icebreaker questions about our first job and if we could only keep 3 apps on our phone, what would they be. Certainly cleared up my plans for that hour between work getting out and the Happy Hour. For apps, I figured they meant interest-based apps. Games, hobbies, etc. I figured I should probably put Current on there, since it makes me money, and said Scrib and SMS+ Backup for the others. In retrospect, I'd have to swap Scribd for Shazam/Soundhound. Scribd is a convenience, music is life changing. I thought about my time babysitting and my job at Blockbuster. I was a few minutes late and a little surprised that it was just Amy, Elaine, and Leslie. And therefore doubly glad I made sure to show up. Everyone showed their furkids, though Elain was furchildless. And everyone laughed about The Girls having free run. I texted JJD, because of everyone at work, I'd have thought he'd be there. Elaine tapped out of the meeting, but just as we were about to end it, JJD hopped in. I drank a bit too much, but it felt really great, both for Julie the Cruise Director taking over and leading the questions in the beginning and for that to fade back as a natural conversation flow took over later.

Julian called me after, and when I asked him to see a therapist and to talk about the trip with them, he said he'd make an appointment. We ended up camming, I learned some of his kinkTs, but I felt like it would be more trouble than it was worth. Perfect timing, really, because FHA messaged me to make sure I could keep something under my hat. I am like...Aspbergers about privacy, so I'm glad he asked, and I told him so. Maus killed himself over the weekend. He'd always seemed to live under a shadow, and I got the impression there was something big I missed about him.
I was glad I was already drinking.