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thepnutgalleryI just missed the Alliance event for Rise of Kingdoms, but it's not like I would have been much help anyway.
Lady Miss Friday was in the closet, but as soon as I was awake, she moved next to me on the bed. She's so wonderful.
I took 4 Kratom, but....a little queasy, a little sweaty, but no real difference. I threw up by noon, but it didn't look like the pills.... And then I kept throwing up every now and again all day. It wasn't even stomach acid though... Just saliva.
Cecile messaged in the early evening, letting us know Gabe was not gonna make Zoom karaoke, but she'd picked up "clues" earlier that he would. I don't really have any working sound and video equipment, so I wouldn't have been able to join anyway, but I'd at least thought about trying to be there on camera for support and backup dancing. There was some question over whether to confront Gabe about it, and there were just too many variables involved for me to give any input. Call it a reason I went to law school, but there were too many things that needed defining, examples, etc. for me to give much input. It turned out several other people couldn't make it either, so we just called the night off. Gabe has reportedly been clean from everything but weed for a week.
Cecile messaged me separately after, though I initially thought it was a notification from the Group chat. She wanted to double check they weren't being jerks, and check on me personally. I mentioned The Maybes, she expressed concern over how fresh it all must be for me. She talked about how related to victim blaming it is to call addicts "selfish," since they/we almost always, if not 100% of the time, have underlying mental health issues that are the proximate cause of addiction. I explained about the weird interconnections between my various mental health issues (mostly depression), addiction, and "recovery." Our conversation eventually got me raking myself over coals for all the exits I missed. I should have at least stopped for a few months while Jeff was with me. I should have quit any of the many times I just vomited all night. I should have quit after The Murder Scene with Jeff. I could kill myself for not throwing my stash away when I first tried to take a "break." I could have at least asked someone to hold on to it. I also started me flogging myself over the many, many, many Red Flags that I should get mental help throughout my history. She noted access and economics, and I suppose she's right.
I thought about The Last Unicorn, and the castle crumbling. Obviously, my fall has stopped partially down the cliff. But it eventually led me to thinking of the cat, and Lady Miss Friday, and suddenly the scene where Molly McGrue says "I forgive you" to the unicorn sprang into my head. It actually helped for a few minutes before I got the scourge out again.
Lady Miss Friday was in the closet, but as soon as I was awake, she moved next to me on the bed. She's so wonderful.
I took 4 Kratom, but....a little queasy, a little sweaty, but no real difference. I threw up by noon, but it didn't look like the pills.... And then I kept throwing up every now and again all day. It wasn't even stomach acid though... Just saliva.
Cecile messaged in the early evening, letting us know Gabe was not gonna make Zoom karaoke, but she'd picked up "clues" earlier that he would. I don't really have any working sound and video equipment, so I wouldn't have been able to join anyway, but I'd at least thought about trying to be there on camera for support and backup dancing. There was some question over whether to confront Gabe about it, and there were just too many variables involved for me to give any input. Call it a reason I went to law school, but there were too many things that needed defining, examples, etc. for me to give much input. It turned out several other people couldn't make it either, so we just called the night off. Gabe has reportedly been clean from everything but weed for a week.
Cecile messaged me separately after, though I initially thought it was a notification from the Group chat. She wanted to double check they weren't being jerks, and check on me personally. I mentioned The Maybes, she expressed concern over how fresh it all must be for me. She talked about how related to victim blaming it is to call addicts "selfish," since they/we almost always, if not 100% of the time, have underlying mental health issues that are the proximate cause of addiction. I explained about the weird interconnections between my various mental health issues (mostly depression), addiction, and "recovery." Our conversation eventually got me raking myself over coals for all the exits I missed. I should have at least stopped for a few months while Jeff was with me. I should have quit any of the many times I just vomited all night. I should have quit after The Murder Scene with Jeff. I could kill myself for not throwing my stash away when I first tried to take a "break." I could have at least asked someone to hold on to it. I also started me flogging myself over the many, many, many Red Flags that I should get mental help throughout my history. She noted access and economics, and I suppose she's right.
I thought about The Last Unicorn, and the castle crumbling. Obviously, my fall has stopped partially down the cliff. But it eventually led me to thinking of the cat, and Lady Miss Friday, and suddenly the scene where Molly McGrue says "I forgive you" to the unicorn sprang into my head. It actually helped for a few minutes before I got the scourge out again.
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