Anniversary Fits

I guess it was my turn to sleep in. I received a response from the client agreeing to meet tonight, I just needed the details. Julian fed his kids, then wished me a happy 3 month wedding anniversary as he left. Thanks? It's sweet, it just felt a bit saccharine. Like that trope of the couple who doth protest too much. I'd thought we had a meeting today but not until Friday I talked to JJD in his "office" for a bit, mostly just to normalize the e-visits. FB reminded me that it was 2 years ago I thanked Lady Miss Friday for saving me. I remember writing the post and wavering over the last line. For the longest time, I've thought that also gave me plausible deniability to GHB use/addiction, even though I'm trying to be constantly, if at worst technically, honest. I think it just gave them the other half. Drugs & depression go together like a horse and carriage.

When Julian came home for lunch I told him the client agreed to move it to today. He interrogated me over pushing for a 3 way, for more money, for working on our anniversary. But like... Our 3 month anniversary. Client confirmed for 7pm, Julian texted later about new guidelines of not working on anniversaries or holidays. Good time to bring that up, it being our 3 month anniversary. 3 month wedding anniversary, since we'd really been something or other for 6 years.

Just before I was finished with work I heard a knock. It was Other Julian, who I only vaguely remembered meeting. We had a long talk about personality traits - he had ADHD and had similar mental wanderings and stumps, and was also just out of rehab. He'd spoken with Julian and just needed to shower or something. Makes no nevermind to me. They chatted on the couch while I showered. This might sound absurd, but it was a big deal for me.

I got a little lost on the way there and thought about economic perspective. I remember telling Christina I was amazed I got a whole $1500 for a work trip. There were two adorable pups, one roughly the size of a pony. And the client was gorgeous, silver hair and frosty eyes. He was also married and had a moment where he was uncomfortable proceeding on my 3 month anniversary. Lorde. He'd mentioned in planning that he wanted connection and that more than anything else I know I can deliver. I can't not. He said next time he'd bottom, so I'll take it. So to speak. He also said I was abnormal. Like... Obv.

Julian was outside talking to his mum when I got back, and commanded me to shower... Please. I figured we'd fuck, maybe make dinner together, fuck... He asked about the client, I told him everything. Awesome time, almost cancelled at the last minute, etc. It only got really awkward when he interrogated me on exactly how hard I pushed and what specific phrasings I used to move the session or include him. He was freaked out and insecure, especially about the idea I showed enthusiasm for the client. Side note: I never did get the client's name, not even a fake one. It was kind of a routine fight, and I knew we were going to make up and fuck at some point. He seemed to as well, though neither of us could figure out how to get there. A lot of his insecurities were clearly frenzied just under the surface but the demands were insane and I couldn't drop the frost. He drunkenly retconned different parts every time he started. And at one point I accidentally locked him out. The boy really needs to get into therapy. Somehow we did make peace and fuck. Neither of us felt confident to bottom for different reasons but he agreed to since my worry was physical damage. Such a mensch! We huffed a lot of poppers and I even came with his help.