On a Good One

Woke up to a string of texts from Julian. Apparently he stayed up drinking and stewing. I didn't read them all - mostly wanted to have time to digest them. They were mostly just continuing last night's tantrum, but I caught one that raged at my selfishly buying weed for us when he's starving to death. Insert eye twitch. I had a lot I wanted to get done while he was at work, but I didn't finish very much. I found the paperwork for my veteran's appeal, but couldn't actually find my dad's info in it. It was unfortunate to see all the torn up paper from Merryweather chewing on everything. I miss her. But it was really nice to see notes and awards from Rocky. When Julian came home from lunch, we did that curious thing where we pretend nothing happened. I guess that makes sense, especially since he was wasted and I was asleep. And because there's no actual conflict. It didn't last long, though, as he picked it up again. Said he texted me before I went to sleep because I told him that's how I prefer to be contacted. Sure, but even though I didn't need to, I did specify that texts are best *when I'm not there.* Definitely not when I've got my phone charging in the other room and I'm physically present and talking to you. Or after I've gone to sleep. And especially not to ask a question I've already repeatedly agreed to. He explained that it was more of his financial insecurity, I told him to get therapy. He's the Only Ex to Out Crazy Squeak. And since I so desperately need therapy, he *definitely* needs it. We'll add it to the list of things we need to do. Ashley called me after he left, and talked about the marriage. Probably an awkward time to have it, given that I'm still analyzing, but I think it was good. She'd cried when I told her I married Julian. I explained all the healing and movement we've been engaging in, not that we're anywhere near done. She's planning on visiting in November, which is wonderful. I think she'd been going to visit in November 2019, but that didn't work out and I was on fire. Not in my usual way. I still didn't manage to get much done before Julian got home, but I was also kind of expecting to hear from Tim. Figured he'd message me when he was leaving instead of showing up at 4, but surprise! Neither. Julian got home a little after 4, Tim called me shortly after that. He decided to just go there directly, so we got cleaned up and headed over. I missed a couple steps in my head for the directions and got us kind of lost. Unfortunately, the tank was also inching towards empty. Aren't we all. Julian eventually turned his GPS on because mine sucks. He claimed all Navigation duties going forward, and I'm not complaining. But he also tried to say I went through almost the whole tank driving around. And then evade his fuel use by noting it was for work. Nono, that wasn't the question....

Tim beat us there which wasn't surprising at all, given the detours. More importantly, we got there in time to see FHA & his friend. Lovely gent, just a man of few words. Suits me fine, I had many people to still reacquaint. I didn't end up getting into my suit until much later, and put my clothes back on much later. It was cold!. Like most parties for the near future, I imagine much of it will just be people trying to start catching up and being together again. In personal growth, I got to talk about my addiction and recovery without it feeling like a monument. And I thanked Tim without the weight of the Scoreboard. For his part, Tim seemed fairly tipsy and very goal oriented. Single entendre hitting on every other guy. I've been there, but the hosts had directly asked me to start the orgy and I was high on GHB. At least some of Tim's intendeds seemed interested. Overall, the party was a blast. I was honestly very nervous about the whole thing. One of the standout things about their place is the sheer volume of booze available. They stock their parties very well. I'd worried again that I'd be a stick in the mud without booze. No worries at all. It wasn't the perfect party. My stomach was a little upset since I chugged coffee to stay up all day, and I thought it was hilarious trying to guess if my eyes were red from weed or exhaustion. But it was wonderful. And there was a hilarious moment where I demonstrated a point Julian was making about losing my train of thought in the middle of a disquisition. It happens. I loved the music, loved catching up and meeting people, and it felt like Julian and I kept a good balance between time together and apart. He confessed to me later that he worried I was cheating at one moment, but Brion cleared it up for him. But he didn't explode from it, and that's awesome. There was a slightly awkward moment later where I struggled with that same jealousy newly coupled friends have spoken of. Sure, Julian and I are open, but we haven't actually fucked anyone else, despite going to sex parties. I didn't really think it was the right time to test those waters. I reminded myself of my rule: one fantastic new person or one fantastic new song is per se a good time. Chatting with Sean at one point, he mentioned he'd gotten additional cats to keep his first one company and she's never forgiven him. Just a side note. One person towards the end thought I was on molly or similar because I was *so* into whatever song came on, but they were completely squeaked themselves. On the other hand, Chris and I were chatting at one point and he thanked me a couple times and phrasings for my comment after his furkid died a few years ago. That's awesome and one reason to get started preaching the joys of Symbism.

I thought we might be able to hit up PECS later, but Julian was also quite tipsy and neither of us was really up to it. I made sure Julian ate at the party, but he was hungry again so we swung by Ralph's. They had a decent sale on Morningstar and I'm delighted that Morningstar has heavily shifted towards vegan items. We bought a selection of those and Julian asked for beer. I dunno. Not that I'm ever good at saying no, but he was so good today. I cooked up the Buffalo Chik'n burgers, we watched YouTube, including the song I found today. It was a really great night, even though we still stayed up too late.