Torches and Shadows

I woke up crazy early but fought it. Lady Miss Friday was pleased anyway. She's taken to hanging out next to my pillow. I'm ecstatic she's being so intimate, I'm just terrified it's because she's miserable. I didn't see Julian before work, but had a productive morning. All the various credits, payments, & points on my card paid off. My account is hurting, but I'm not broke and Julian will be getting a paycheck soon. We cleared this hurdle. On his lunch break, Julian swung down and called about his card. He found his wallet a couple days ago, I advised him to call the bank and let them know, but when he eventually did, they said they couldn't do anything but the regular customer service number could. I don't really understand most companies... or capitalism to begin with, come to think of it. But I guess we've needed hierarchies most of our existence, it's not really a surprise we'd craft extremely hierarchical economies. He called the regular customer service and they could also not help. I couldn't hear their side of things, but I think they were going to send him a new one and couldn't expedite it. He wanted to close the account, but has to be there in person for that, and his bank is still in Arkansas. He agreed to swap banks, I figured it would be a good time to open the Navy Fed Cred accounts, but I don't know my dad's military info. My mom also said she had no idea about absolutely anything. It's fine, she's got plenty on her plate and I should still have Pa's info from older records. I also sent in additional info to DFEH over FB. I was tempted to drop it since I have so much else to do right now, but the clerk was such a jerk and they made me wait months, emailed me that it was cancelled when it wasn't, and then closed the case after a week, so spite is now fueling me. It only took about 5 min to collect what should be enough to show FB's double standard and send off the email to appeal the closure. Now I just need to get the info for the Fed Cred accounts and the paperwork for Symbism, and I'll be set. I floundered a little at work - I was pretty much done with everything and just couldn't focus on what to check in on. Then the internet died completely for about an hour, and when it finally came back, Din was part way through another CSC training. CSC mail is not difficult at all, it's just slightly different from a normal case. Unfortunately, with the personal & internet floundering, I wasn't able to even start on tomorrow's work.

I made sure I was ready to go outside of LMF's room as soon as Julian got home. I'd updated my journal, spent time with Lady Miss Friday, made any posts I needed to, so I was ready to do whatever. We watched a couple music videos while we tried to figure out what to do for the evening. It was fine, but I really didn't want another night of coexisting. I told him I wanted to Icebreaker, board game, video game... Anything that involved interaction. His response felt tepid, I think, but it could have been in my head. He needed some things from the store, so I gave him my credit card and went back to Lady Miss Friday. Works for me! Tim called; he'd left a comment on my post about Flora. I thought it was lyrics, but every song I found on a quick search didn't match. That's because he wrote a poem for Flora, Symbism, and me. Touching, but I'm me, so I immediately started screaming at myself for *still* not having Symbism all set up. Motivation. I invited him to the party on Saturday and we talked some about my distance from Julian. This is definitely not the first time I've fallen madly, passionately, in love and then bolted. I'm guessing it's that whole vulnerability thing? I really have no idea. But I'm also conspiracy theorizing. Just theorizing at this point. Julian eventually told me his parents booted him a few weeks before his trip. I've always known he connected getting back together with a ticket back out here. It's possible he went into overdrive on learning he was about to be homeless. Not necessarily probable, but possible. It's also entirely possible I'm just telling myself horror stories so I'll stay distant and safe. And here I thought I was getting to know me.

When Julian came back, we turned Youtube back on, but a few songs in, he reminded me that I'd asked to play board games. A couple times. It was a strange night. He preemptively declined Icebreakers, so I looked through the games and thought maybe Talisman would be different, casual, and fun. At every speed bump, I suggested quitting but he insisted we make it work. It was kind of a theme for the night. I'm still proud of myself, really, because I didn't let my competitive nature take the wheel. I obviously played to win, but also helped explain all the details and at least some strategy to him. Talisman is an all day game, but he wanted to save it for tomorrow when I finally crashed. I think it was a success.