Keys & Cannons

I woke up to a drunken diatribe from Julian he'd sent over text late last night. He was pissed I hadn't talked to him about Mea's offer. Tagging him didn't count because he ignores Notifications. I wrote a response but didn't send it. Just tried to calm myself with Lady Miss Friday. When I got up to piss later, he woke up and we started talking. Unfortunately, that didn't last long. Very swiftly, he was retconning & interrupting, and I was thinking of divorce papers. He left for work, I had I suppose an understandably distracted morning. I still managed everything, though there was an awkward moment in the morning about eservice, since Carl was on vacation but I'd pre-done 90% of it. I dumped the rest of the crystal litter that was in the living room litter box and there was a settled layer of soaked crystals at the bottom. It's fine, this is why we're swapping them fully to clayumping. Chris messaged me again. Chris is a very attractive LA gent who'd previously hit on me, though we weren't able to make it happen. He messaged me the other day as he was coming down from a high, but I didn't want to ruin it for him by being Debbie Downer. He messaged me again and this time I was open with him, if plainly vague. We talked about mental health, existentialism, drugs, & kinks, more specifically respectively. Tim called me on my lunch break and we talked about developments for the show, and he advised me on how to approach Julian about it. I don't know that I'm naturally very emapthetic to him.

When Julian got home we talked again and it was...heavy. We fought again. He retconned entire conversations, overestimated his income, ability to care for his cats, & my financial requirements, denied agreeing to re-home them, and conjured the same horror stories of throwing them out that I tried to avoid. I told him I'd eventually re-home the cats myself, and that very awkward almost-competition with Lady Miss Friday. It was not pretty on any side, though ti obviously could have been much worse, but it also felt almost perfunctory. Like we were marionettes. We calmed down, I apologized. It took some effort, but I managed to make a decent case for an apology. Largely just gave notice that I was more fucked up than I'd like to believe over Merryweather, so I'm more volatile. But I'm also concerned about the compromises I make for us. I really do not want them to become Obama Compromises at the further expense of my kids. My eyes watered and some spilled. Even at that moment, I didn't know if I was acting or using acting as an excuse, and I still don't. I analyze things to death, and maybe sometimes that comes in handy. He didn't know any of that and asked me to let him in, to talk to him about these things. I don't really do vulnerability, and I'm going to scream at myself forever for falling down the Rabbit Hole before. Who knows, maybe I can send missives from inside my fortress, and it'll help me know what's going on as well. He'd had a very long, exciting day at work as well. He'd mentioned a gent who hadn't returned a car, avoided service of process, that sort of thing, and apparently that guy came back today. Said he wanted to make a monthly payment. They had Julian go to the back and call the cops. My bleeding heart might be getting too big, but I wondered what was going on in that guy's life. What he would've needed to get on his feet, and how that would compare in cost charging and incarcerating him. Maybe they'll just fine him money he obviously can't pay, or waive it and have it all be effectively for show. The police apparently pointed Julian out as the one who called and even named him. I suggested he file a complaint. I doubt this guy will seek revenge, but that's just so fucking reckless and irresponsible.On the plus side of the work day, they made commission. Still no clue what that actually translates to, but Julian was the perfect gentleman upselling folks and the like. I'm all proud & whatnot. He agreed to help Terry paint a wall, Terry agreed to take him shopping (he needed cigarettes, I was almost out of creamer), and Terry bought a similar wig to mine and informed me we're Lip Syncing next week. He wants to do that sassy Todrick Hall track, I might suggest others. I convinced Julian to feed his kids about half as much as he usually does, so they all get 1/3 of a small can of wet food in the evening. They weren't finishing what he was giving them before, so it made sense financially and nutritionally. We talked on the couch about Final Fantasy and Castlevania. He loves 3/6 & 7, and SOTN, just like I do, though he also loves 8. I'd like 8 a lot more if the Game Genie codes worked on my Nostalgia Machine. I feel like they were sort of challenging the limits of Nerd Grinding. We still won; I'm sure many people actually did whatever that absurdly long process to raise a single stat a single point. TBH, if8 had come out closer to 7, I would probably have been one of them. And I can't wait to show him FFX, specifically the Sassiest Summon Ever, Shiva. *snap* He talked about some Castlevania game where you could play bassically Sypha, or at least someone like her who could shoot spheres of power. I brought up videos of every Castlevania game and character I could think of, but it wasn't any of them. He left to go help Terry paint and asked me again to let him in emotionally...as long as I don't cry. I don't think he has anything to worry about, but he left it on asking me to let my guard down.