Progress, not Perfection

I woke up early, tried unsuccessfully to hop in to work to edit my time for the day, then over to the hospital for my labs. Everyone was lovely, though I was impatient to get back to work. I saw Chris, the phlebotomist who usually works on me, and at least made him laugh. And I was back by 8, so I just pushed everything 30 min later. Dave had sent a congratulations on claims because we tagged almost 50 of them yesterday, but noted the JCC might not be so happy. I asked him more about our relationship with the JCC and funding, and offered to just go Full Claims every June 1 to make sure all claims were tagged ASAP. Like...day of transmissions. He explained that we're just one of many places needing this pie. So it is, again, the State talking out of both mouths. My quickness to offer made everyone laugh. Sometimes I'm helpful just to be helpful. Sometimes I'm helpful out of spite. And sometimes I get to check both boxes. There was nothing big to talk about so we just played a Zoom game. Started off just sending your choice of two things and which you think everyone else would choose. Then it just became guessing which would win, but the voting was a little awkward. It was fun and enlightening. The whole idea that everyone's a chocoholic and no one loves vanilla is apparently a giant cultural lie we all tell ourselves. And I went on a small tangent about how frustrating it is that "vanilla" isn't even a uniform description. Like, all the different kinds of chocolate (except white) still taste like chocolate, but vanilla ice cream tastes only vaguely like vanilla creamer, etc. There's lots of chocolate flavored candies, but scant vanilla. I kept my music on for it, grooved out, and noticed I was lip syncing to Kelly's cover of "Little Bird" by Annie Lennox. I didn't stop, I just noticed I was. The meeting also served as a reminder that Din would be out of town for the next two days, and unless I wanted to feel guilty, I needed to get all his eservice done before tomorrow so it couldn't be split between everyone. No problem.

Terry came to see me at 3:50, but I explained I get out at 4...then had to ask Julian to tell him I wouldn't be over until 4:30, due to my Dr's appointment and death-grip on my PTO Hoard. I had a couple errands to take care of before I did, and they started playing cards with Kevin, the upstairs neighbor. I'd thought maybe Julian and I should spend some time together, but Terry told me he wanted Julian to sleep over to make sure he got to his interview. Suits me fine. I journaled, of course, and tried to watch porn. Nothing really seemed appealing, and I just wasn't randy. I probably could have made it happen, but like...why? I just wandered about the internet instead. Even had time to start looking things up like the sound of Glam Rock. (Glam rock was fairly simple, crunchy guitar rock put across with outrageous theatricality - https://www.allmusic.com/style/glam-rock-ma0000002619) I was going to post somewhere about my suggestion for drafts - just write them in email. You can make as many drafts as you want, they all save as you go, though probably not as attentively as Dreamwidth, etc. And I decided to be a hoarder with my journal and not even delete the drafts. I'll have thousands as the years go by. Maybe I'll delete them eventually. I couldn't find anywhere but maybe there's a Reddit for it? Julian went with Kevin to go snag...something. I don't remember what. Terry got upset because they left a mess in front and he had to clean it up. I tried to calm him down, and Julian returned shortly thereafter. Terry was a little tipsy, and complained to Julian. Julian just listed everything he had to do. He wanted to swing back to my place to get cleaned up before crashing at Terry's.

At home, I tried to think of how to redirect Julian's impulse to make excuses, but unfortunately he just made excuses. Wanted me to quote which times and what he said. I finally just pointed out he spent 6 years in Arkansas rent-free and had nothing to show for it. It started getting ugly, but the first time voices started rising when he kept interrupting me, I just went to Lady Miss Friday's room and closed the door. He eventually came to the door and asked to talk, and we did. It was very healthy, though there was one time he was evading responsibility and said he didn't want to go to school and get out of there in two years, he wanted an immediate way out. I think that's going to be for me to hold. It's a very specific kind of fuel, but I don't feel responsible for it if it feeds anything. He also complained about Terry's alcohol use. I suggested he make the same offer to Terry I made to him. Quit drinking together. He still resisted so I suggested he say he doesn't want Terry drinking around him. He said it wouldn't be his place, but that's just boundaries. Naturally, he'd have to stop drinking around Terry, too. He went to explain he couldn't sleep over there, but Terry called and told me to come get him. Terry was driving to get something, and wanted Julian out before he got back. I went to get him, Taka said not to worry about it, I laid down next to Lady Miss Friday. My phone rang again, but I didn't check this time.