Reckful Endangerment

As predicted, I was up before the sun, but I used the extra time to take care of a few loose ends, and at least start to prep for my session with Candace. I gave her my Trist's phone number, and I think she said I need to fill out a form letting them share medical information. There were some shades of criticism over my believing Julian's insistence and promises, kind of like believing that Meeker would keep to relationship rules and being laughed at because *of course* he cheated! Duh. It started very late and my webcam wasn't working, so it was a little awkward.

Also slightly awkward, I couldn't bring myself to get through my mail before sending the notice, and there was some confusion over just how much work I'm doing. I need to figure out a way to painlessly tell them I've done everything. I did manage to explain about the error on the substitutions, but JJD was right. 1) No big deal - just call the court and ask them to reject the first one. 2) These were Goliaths for all of us. Even more fun, my internet died. Stayed out for about 3 hours, though I got back in time for the meeting. My webcam, unfortunately, did not. She sent me some YouTube vocal warmups and practice materials, laughing but not surprised that I'd kept my singing to a minimum until I made sure it didn't bother Lady Miss Friday. Priorities. We didn't get to the Benoit at all. When my webcam died we just rescheduled for tomorrow. Thanks to being so far ahead, the drop just put me back to "done," instead of "doing fucking everything" Fuck you, Murphy.


I drank and smoked after work, but watching the live version of Flight Facilities "Clair de Lune" seemed so much more epic than ever before. I browsed the comments and apparently a very famous Twitch streamer killed himself and made this the last song he heard. I wasn't prepared for that. I also saw a couple live versions of "This Empty Northern Hemisphere." That was a weird one for me, because the album version is so powerful but so many live versions seemed to mute it. I found two live renditions that very most definitely did not mute anything. GAI is a relatively stoic performer but he went.... Somewhere. I don't even know where, I just wanted to fix it for him. It at least distracted me from studying suicide at an inopportune moment.

It was a really weird night for my relationship with music and substances, both prescribed and recreational. The music was wall, ladder, and virulent poison at discrete and blended moments. A protective blanket...that would occasionally grow thorns. Just something to be wary of. A little like the documentary showing pinnipeds bassically playing tag with a shark. But the shark's version of tagging is eating them. Helluva Russian Roulette, and while I would obviously be interested in playing the game (sans fetters), but getting eaten by a shark is not really how I'd like to go. I suppose desperation is the mother of necessity for thrill-seeking and/or suicidal seals.