Safe Suffocation

I still hadn't heard back from Aaron by 10, so I sent the letter to Aimee so she'd at least know I sent it. She said it was touching and she cried reading it, so I guess it was fine. Tim had asked me the name of my rehab yesterday. Apparently Tootie's neighbor has a pretty bad GHB addiction. Not quite as bad as mine, but what is? Given that mine was bad enough that I initially regretted getting addicted to GHB instead of meth.

Lady Miss Friday was on the couch when I went to make my tea, so I took the opportunity to make my bed and lay out new shirts for her. I literally change my shirt just to give her things to sleep on. It was a great, productive day, though I didn't quite finish everything I wanted to. But that's because "everything I want to do" keeps expanding. Which is good? Right?

I happened to see a link for "Uninvited" from the Jagged Little Pill musical. I didn't even catch that the song was in it. Spoiler alert: in the musical, the song is about addiction. A fascinating interpretation. I had a very, very awkward moment a little later. I heard a version of "Move You" from Kelly Clarkson's The Today Show's Citi Concert Series. It was the most beautiful arrangement of it I've ever heard. (https://youtu.be/WZ4zOe9f_CE). I swear they added strings, or maybe just synthesized them or something? I don't know. Her backup singer's harmonies are slightly different as well. As my eyes were tearing up and I was singing it to Lady Miss Friday (it turns out she does not care whether I sing out loud!), I realized I hadn't taken my antidepressants in a few days, and the last time I remember feeling this deeply was when I ran out. Obviously, oblivion's appeal was more pressing at the time, but I looked it up and Emotional Numbing is totally a thing with antidepressants. Way to Jackass Genie, life. I listened to a lot of music, started a Youtube Playlist to keep track of my Kelly Cover Wishlist, spent about 20 minutes sitting and staring at Lady Miss Friday sleeping, and just reveled in the emotional potency. Since my tastes run melancholy, I knew this was potentially dangerous, and I was sobbing listening to "When the Night is Over" by Lord Huron on repeat when someone's cheeky comment made me laugh and snap out of it, to quote Cher. I took a pill, and then later, when I saw the video for Julia Stone feat. The National's Matt Berninger's new single "We All Have," where a diver drowns, I took another. Obv. I might've been a bit too down. I drank heavily, even for me, and finally messaged Tim back about a couple other rehabs they can try. He called me, and even though I wasn't that drunk yet, I don't recall most of the conversation. I do remember that he was somehow able to find a vaccine appointment for me, and the one-shot J&J one, too! I spent a lot of time vomiting before passing out for the night. Could be worse.