Retprospective

4:30 this time, and I didn't even consider a pill. I realized I'd forgotten to call Jury Duty yesterday, and couldn't find the papers to look up my badge number online. Thankfully, the phone number is apparently the same for everyone, and I didn't have Jury Duty today. Someone on Youtube took exception to my Marilyn quote, but it turns out we have a lot in common, mostly related to our Grim Glasses. We both scoff at the idea of Karma acting like some cosmic Santa Claus, as that requires the universe to have a moral absolute, and amazingly, it's the same as yours. He liked my idea of making a sketch where standard, daily occurrences in nature are used as the trailer in a horror film, and agreed that ultimately the only real answer for any of us is to make life less shitty for those around us.

A bot from Change.org messaged me, encouraging me to write more on my petition, and my own experience with it. I managed to avoid turning it into a commercial for Fiona Apple, but did speak plainly about my depression, and the significant impact My December had on me as a result.

I was ultimately happy I was out of booze, at least until I saw I'd saved a half a cup from last night. I can say "no," I can't say "no more." I smoked all day, but managed to stay far more focused than yesterday. I had my quarterly meeting with Lynelle, and it was lovely. She had never seen Tim before the holiday party, and she noted how great it was to see me so content, but given that she usually sees me next to Lady Miss Friday, that's not surprising at all. The end of the year meeting is more a retrospective and prospective discussion, though. Obviously, it's been quite the year for me. She noted the courage I must have had to go through everything I did, and I noted that I still keep the Get Well card they sent while I was in rehab. That was plenty of emotion for me, and when she asked me about my goals, I mentioned wanting to be a Real Attorney, and possibly moving to the panel. I want to learn it all, but I feel more comfortable with Dependency. And if I can take my skills from ADI and go fight more strongly for animals, I'll do that. I felt vaguely like I was lying by not mentioning that at the time, but calmed down about it.

I do want to start using my free time for personal development again - finish those psych classes from Coursera, really delve into the How To Be A Real Attorney section at PLI, but after several days of drinking and waking up after a few hours of sleep is not the day for that. I took a pill and watched more Magicians. Despite my perception of time slowing down, thanks to my carts, I was surprised to see it was past 8 when Lady Miss Friday summoned me. Despite my exhaustion and meds, it was a struggle not to eat a bunch. Always happens when I'm that tired, but usually if I can just get to bed, I can crash instead of gorging.