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Dangerous Pschiatrics
Jun. 29th, 2020 12:34 pmWoke up a little before 4. I can only imagine what would have happened without my pills. It occurs to me that the few docs I reached out to re: my insomnia, and even depression previously, had the same, simplistic answers my terrible brain always gives. Hmmm...there's probably like...a noise or something. Just close your eyes! The perfect life is all we need.
Sean had texted me back sometime after I went to bed that he'd apparently fallen asleep. He did swing by while I was entering eservice, and let me know he'd lost my credit card yesterday. AWKWARD. He'd also put a bunch of my mail into a file folder, but managed to find it at his place, so I snagged it on my lunch break.
Julian had also texted me overnight. He asked again about getting back together, and I cited my current mental health struggles to avoid the topic. In much the same way our crazy aligns, I think both of us feel that dangerous gravitation. I know that behaviorally, if a new behavior isn't working, things will try previous behaviors that used to work.
Work kept me *very* busy, and my 1-1 Zoom meeting with Lynelle was good, but...I'm still talking around things that could presumably get me fired. Not that folks at work don't probably already know that and all the things that could have before this.
I went grocery shopping after work, picking up vodka (of course), and food that I thought I could eat before it went bad. I also got around to ordering my Annie: The Day Planner shirt and Tim's Last Unicorn shirt. Got a text from Michael, subtly reminding me we were meeting at Baja Betty's, and checking whether Jeff, Jason, and a friend could join us, or we should make them sit at a different table. I have few boundaries, and even less secrets, so I'm easy. I opted not to eat anything, though I did order two drinks before I found out they don't have Happy Hour anymore. In the course of our discussion, I did talk about my various struggles. Everything from whatever's happening in my stomach (and my reluctance to investigate), to my getting arrested twice, to various addiction and mental health issues. I learned that Michael had to call psychiatric services on Wyatt when he was still alive, and a few other similarities. It made my post remembering Wyatt with Halsey's cover of "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" take on new depth. I managed to pounce on most of the music on my own, but I heard what sounded like Goldfrapp's Strict Machine, but wasn't. I tried to Soundhound it, but nothing doing. Goal Oriented, I asked an employee, but by the time he got around to doing it, the song had passed and there was no way to see the history.
I looked it up at home, forced myself to eat a couple sammiches, and thought I might have found it with Goldfrapp's "Twist." But I'm still hunting. I settled back in to listening to Local Natives and watching Community. I might start all of my Community viewings in the future with the opening from S3: E1, where Shirley walks down in a purple, sequined gown...followed immediately by the dean bursting in wearing the same outfit. Then I watched the Model UN Episode again, bc Annie, and finally crashed.
Sean had texted me back sometime after I went to bed that he'd apparently fallen asleep. He did swing by while I was entering eservice, and let me know he'd lost my credit card yesterday. AWKWARD. He'd also put a bunch of my mail into a file folder, but managed to find it at his place, so I snagged it on my lunch break.
Julian had also texted me overnight. He asked again about getting back together, and I cited my current mental health struggles to avoid the topic. In much the same way our crazy aligns, I think both of us feel that dangerous gravitation. I know that behaviorally, if a new behavior isn't working, things will try previous behaviors that used to work.
Work kept me *very* busy, and my 1-1 Zoom meeting with Lynelle was good, but...I'm still talking around things that could presumably get me fired. Not that folks at work don't probably already know that and all the things that could have before this.
I went grocery shopping after work, picking up vodka (of course), and food that I thought I could eat before it went bad. I also got around to ordering my Annie: The Day Planner shirt and Tim's Last Unicorn shirt. Got a text from Michael, subtly reminding me we were meeting at Baja Betty's, and checking whether Jeff, Jason, and a friend could join us, or we should make them sit at a different table. I have few boundaries, and even less secrets, so I'm easy. I opted not to eat anything, though I did order two drinks before I found out they don't have Happy Hour anymore. In the course of our discussion, I did talk about my various struggles. Everything from whatever's happening in my stomach (and my reluctance to investigate), to my getting arrested twice, to various addiction and mental health issues. I learned that Michael had to call psychiatric services on Wyatt when he was still alive, and a few other similarities. It made my post remembering Wyatt with Halsey's cover of "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" take on new depth. I managed to pounce on most of the music on my own, but I heard what sounded like Goldfrapp's Strict Machine, but wasn't. I tried to Soundhound it, but nothing doing. Goal Oriented, I asked an employee, but by the time he got around to doing it, the song had passed and there was no way to see the history.
I looked it up at home, forced myself to eat a couple sammiches, and thought I might have found it with Goldfrapp's "Twist." But I'm still hunting. I settled back in to listening to Local Natives and watching Community. I might start all of my Community viewings in the future with the opening from S3: E1, where Shirley walks down in a purple, sequined gown...followed immediately by the dean bursting in wearing the same outfit. Then I watched the Model UN Episode again, bc Annie, and finally crashed.
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