Going To The Chapel

I remembered there had been several changes in the wedding schedule, so I wasn't sure if tonight was the rehearsal or what, so I got dressed for the whole thing anyway. Also, today was the final meeting with Lynelle, and HR was going to be there, too. I was damned if I was going to be fired looking like my normal hobo self.

For all the mystery and anxiety surrounding the meeting, it was fine. Made the follow up write up final, signed by Cheryl because Elaine is out. They asked about the wedding, sighed when I told them I was terrible about even responding to invites. I hate saying no, so I'll often just not reply. They gave me that same look I get when something that's perfectly normal to me is considered outlandish, but that's just Eric. Like I've gone and worn my underwear outside my pants - again.


The rehearsal was fairly quick; did a quick walkthrough of the process, I need to have all the music on thumb drives. One for the recessional, one for dinner, and one for dancing. No problem.

Julian messaged me after, offering to take a taxi to my place. I picked him up instead, he relaxed on my bed while I wrestled with the celebration song. Whatever format it was, it was highly resistant to saving as any other format or editing in the current format. And I couldn't find the exact version online anywhere to download. After a few hours, I figured a workaround - played it in VLC, made a recording of the clip I want. Easy-peasy.

Julian had been asking to get back together, insisting all the issues from before were due to alcohol, and now he was sober. I was really really clear with him. Whatever the issues he had, and whatever they were due to, I don't feel it anymore, and don't want a relationship with him. We both drank, which was another worry of mine. As with my house guests, I'm not a good person for someone newly sober to be around. I don't like telling people "no." And I like to drink, so how could I tell you not to?

Between us, we drank a handle of vodka. I'm imagining that's mostly him, but good lord. He asked, at some point, if I'd had sex with Bryan. Of course I have. He lost it. Screaming at me and screaming and screaming. I told him to leave, he refused. We went back and forth for a while, and I finally told him, still without raising my own voice, that he needed to leave because I wanted to kill him. Wrap my hands around his throat and squeeze. He finally left.