Danger! Danger! My Hooks Are Flailing!
Apr. 13th, 2007 06:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thepnutgalleryLadies and gentlemen, the "L Bomb" has been dropped. This is not a drill. Repeat: The "L Bomb" has been dropped, this is not a drill.
But first, the re-cap! Desi called me yesterday, to ask if I could cover her shift next week, and offered to cover mine this week in exchange. I would normally bank this, but I have so many "banked" that I will never use them all, so I accepted. Instead, I slept, and tried to give my eye some rest. Had a very lengthy discussion with The Boy, regarding some things he's been feeling, and my reaction to them. I know how he feels about these things, so if he cares to, I'll let him post the details.
As I have been all week, I overate in the afternoon, but I didn't have dinner, so calorically, it's not as bad. I also didn't go to the gym, as I haven't all week. Anyway, when I woke up from my nap, I called Ken, who was playing poker at Flick's, only to realize I had some things to do, cd burning and the like, before I could go out. Got to Flick's a little after 10, and saw Justin and Jenn outside, and Ken, Ian, and Steven inside. Ken was flirty with both, and even bought Steven a drink, but interspersed this with affection for me, so I was good. I went back outside for some cool air, and found Jenn and Justin getting ready to go, so I took them home, came back, and waited for the game to run out. Ken went out just after 11:30, and we went home. I had been expecting sex, but we pretty much went straight to sleep. It was late, and he was drunk, so I wasn't terribly surprised, but I still set a condom on the dresser, just in case. Good thing, because not five minutes after climbing into bed to go to sleep, we had sex, and damn good sex at that, despite one awkward moment when he told me to decide what we were doing. That's not really my thing. On the second condom, we turned on the lights, and taped part of it. I am determined to make a better show of that in the future. Lights still on, we're missionary, eye contact and all that, and he asks if he can tell me something.....naturally, I want to know everything at all times, so I say yes, despite a sinking feeling.
"I love you"
.........
.........
.........
"I just said I-"
"I love you too, Ken".......
SO. AWKWARD.
I hadn't meant to say that, but I couldn't take the look that was growing on his face during the long pause. I told him he could later blame it on being drunk, but he immediately decried being drunk, and has since affirmed this. The entire rest of the night was completely awesome, and even that only caught me off guard. It's not like I hadn't had the same thought running through my head about a ba-jillion times, I'm just a little more suspect of such things. Talking to The Boy about it this morning, I'm trying to sort out how I feel (first, I rub the item with my paws..Hi-Larious!). I'm not sure how to tell if I love someone, and I refuse to take the line of "You'll just know", or "If you need to ask....".
But first, the re-cap! Desi called me yesterday, to ask if I could cover her shift next week, and offered to cover mine this week in exchange. I would normally bank this, but I have so many "banked" that I will never use them all, so I accepted. Instead, I slept, and tried to give my eye some rest. Had a very lengthy discussion with The Boy, regarding some things he's been feeling, and my reaction to them. I know how he feels about these things, so if he cares to, I'll let him post the details.
As I have been all week, I overate in the afternoon, but I didn't have dinner, so calorically, it's not as bad. I also didn't go to the gym, as I haven't all week. Anyway, when I woke up from my nap, I called Ken, who was playing poker at Flick's, only to realize I had some things to do, cd burning and the like, before I could go out. Got to Flick's a little after 10, and saw Justin and Jenn outside, and Ken, Ian, and Steven inside. Ken was flirty with both, and even bought Steven a drink, but interspersed this with affection for me, so I was good. I went back outside for some cool air, and found Jenn and Justin getting ready to go, so I took them home, came back, and waited for the game to run out. Ken went out just after 11:30, and we went home. I had been expecting sex, but we pretty much went straight to sleep. It was late, and he was drunk, so I wasn't terribly surprised, but I still set a condom on the dresser, just in case. Good thing, because not five minutes after climbing into bed to go to sleep, we had sex, and damn good sex at that, despite one awkward moment when he told me to decide what we were doing. That's not really my thing. On the second condom, we turned on the lights, and taped part of it. I am determined to make a better show of that in the future. Lights still on, we're missionary, eye contact and all that, and he asks if he can tell me something.....naturally, I want to know everything at all times, so I say yes, despite a sinking feeling.
"I love you"
.........
.........
.........
"I just said I-"
"I love you too, Ken".......
SO. AWKWARD.
I hadn't meant to say that, but I couldn't take the look that was growing on his face during the long pause. I told him he could later blame it on being drunk, but he immediately decried being drunk, and has since affirmed this. The entire rest of the night was completely awesome, and even that only caught me off guard. It's not like I hadn't had the same thought running through my head about a ba-jillion times, I'm just a little more suspect of such things. Talking to The Boy about it this morning, I'm trying to sort out how I feel (first, I rub the item with my paws..Hi-Larious!). I'm not sure how to tell if I love someone, and I refuse to take the line of "You'll just know", or "If you need to ask....".
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no subject
Date: 2007-04-19 02:53 am (UTC)However, I'll give you my experience when I know (really know) that I'm in Love.
- I think about the person frequently throughout the day
- I find myself wondering if they think about me
- Picturing my perfect interaction with them includes a sense of uncontrollable passion (though not necessarily sex)
- I find myself believing genuinely that I could spend the rest of my life with this person.
- I have to consciously reign in my eagerness about becoming a couple (especially if we aren't already) and balance that with a cool head and rational thinking. But not to the point where the passion is killed.
- My heart truly and genuinely warms over thinking about them
- A bad day can be made good while thinking about them
While these are completely cliche and common they are things that I might not have correctly identified in me 10 years ago. Experience has taught me the difference between desire/lust and Love. Desire and lust have their place in Love but not as the sole basis.
On the whole, however, it sounds like you'll enjoy the experience of trying to figure out if you're in Love or not. :)
no subject
Date: 2007-04-19 05:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-19 05:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-19 02:49 pm (UTC)You do know if you love someone or not. It is the rest of the assumptions and questions that get us into a dither about it all.
The biggest part of the question is: What does it mean that I love someone? And what does it mean that the person loves me back? Should we create a paired (or more) relationship out of it? What if he or I don't really mean it? What does "doesn't mean it" mean?
And at the bottom of the thousands of swirling questions is this thought: How can I keep from appearing like a fool? We say things like "I just don't want to be hurt again" or "I need to be sure" (about what, I ask?)
As for the separation of love from infatuation, that's easy and difficult. :) Infatuation is loving the person you think he is and love is loving the person he is. That is why it takes time to develop a relationship. It just takes time to clear our projections and see a person for who they really are. And time for them to stop unconsciously pretending to be who they think they are suppose to be.
Infatuation is make believe. It is "Love at first sight" or "Love at first site" :)
To love someone is to love them for who they are and for who they are not. It is a state of acceptance. It is a fearless state. All else is pretense.