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Found decent parking in the morning, got everything set up for breakfast. Everyone loved the spread, our accountant was amazed that I stayed under $40.

Meeting with my boss went well - she's happy with the level of work I'm maintaining. I'm disappointed I couldn't handle all the extra work that had been added, but it's just not realistic without working overtime. More importantly, ADI is not where I want to be forever. If SWoRN can be a thing that I do forever, that would be amazing. If SWoRN gets established, and never goes beyond a volunteer program, that's also fine, as starting and running even a volunteer organization is better than data entry.


I was gonna stop at the gym on the way home, and then I was gonna stop at my friend's birthday, but Ryan messaged me asking if he could borrow some gear from me. Shane texted me in the afternoon, saying hi, and mentioning he hadn't told me his plans. Nope, sure hadn't.....it was another 4 hours before he texted me again.

I went to my friend's welcome back party & game night, but only managed a drink and a half in the 3 hours I was there. The alcohol was really not agreeing with me, so I headed home to wait for Shane. He fell asleep on the bus, so ended up at the border and got to my place around 12. We chatted, he went for a burrito (apparently La Fuente has karaoke now?), I went to bed. In an unusual move, I offered him his choice of the mattress in the living room or my bed. He decided on the living room.
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It was an afternoon wedding, so I had some time to put finishing touches on the playlists, get showered and dressed, and ignore the hateful text messages coming from Julian. I was also going to pick up a cat tower for Friday, but the seller lived 30 min south east, and I just didn't have an extra hour.

I got to the space, found parking, and then went inside to discover there was no way to play music through the speakers. I'm not sure if the Quakers had removed the keyboard or there was a special oatmeal ritual you had to do or what. No one else could figure it out, either. My bluetooth speaker worked fine for the recessional, and I was glad I finally managed to get Yub Nub edited to play perfectly.

Unfortunately, the speaker did not work so well for the dinner. It was too loud at our table, drowned out by the next couple tables over, and the sound was off, at best. Quiet parts were too quiet, high notes sounded shrill. Nikka Costa, who's on the shrill side anyway, finally convinced everyone we were better off without music.

I'm a little upset, because I worked hard. But this being a dry event, and an overwhelmingly older and straight one, I'm thinking it was better we didn't even get to the dance party part.

On a completely separate note, so to speak, it was weird being with my law school friends. Barakat is changing jobs - still in house counsel, but more money, better company, etc. Nichole is a 3rd year lawyer at Legal Aid. Ashley has her own bustling family law practice. Christina is a badass. I'm....a paralegal. I remember back at Carly's going away dinner, thinking how amazing it was that all of these people had passed the Bar, and were moving on with their lives from the awful awful time that was law school, and if I could just pass the Bar, I'd do it too.

FHA came over in the evening, we were gonna go out to The Eagle. I even had some boys who wanted to fuck me lined up. But I was exhausted after everything with Julian and the wedding, so I tapped out. I know FHA was upset, but it was good to see him at least. Crashed after he left; who knew being disappointed in yourself took so much out of you?
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I remembered there had been several changes in the wedding schedule, so I wasn't sure if tonight was the rehearsal or what, so I got dressed for the whole thing anyway. Also, today was the final meeting with Lynelle, and HR was going to be there, too. I was damned if I was going to be fired looking like my normal hobo self.

For all the mystery and anxiety surrounding the meeting, it was fine. Made the follow up write up final, signed by Cheryl because Elaine is out. They asked about the wedding, sighed when I told them I was terrible about even responding to invites. I hate saying no, so I'll often just not reply. They gave me that same look I get when something that's perfectly normal to me is considered outlandish, but that's just Eric. Like I've gone and worn my underwear outside my pants - again.


The rehearsal was fairly quick; did a quick walkthrough of the process, I need to have all the music on thumb drives. One for the recessional, one for dinner, and one for dancing. No problem.

Julian messaged me after, offering to take a taxi to my place. I picked him up instead, he relaxed on my bed while I wrestled with the celebration song. Whatever format it was, it was highly resistant to saving as any other format or editing in the current format. And I couldn't find the exact version online anywhere to download. After a few hours, I figured a workaround - played it in VLC, made a recording of the clip I want. Easy-peasy.

Julian had been asking to get back together, insisting all the issues from before were due to alcohol, and now he was sober. I was really really clear with him. Whatever the issues he had, and whatever they were due to, I don't feel it anymore, and don't want a relationship with him. We both drank, which was another worry of mine. As with my house guests, I'm not a good person for someone newly sober to be around. I don't like telling people "no." And I like to drink, so how could I tell you not to?

Between us, we drank a handle of vodka. I'm imagining that's mostly him, but good lord. He asked, at some point, if I'd had sex with Bryan. Of course I have. He lost it. Screaming at me and screaming and screaming. I told him to leave, he refused. We went back and forth for a while, and I finally told him, still without raising my own voice, that he needed to leave because I wanted to kill him. Wrap my hands around his throat and squeeze. He finally left.

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