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Woke up before 4, but that didn't stop me. 2 flower pots of coffee might also have had something to do with it, tbh. *FINALLY* got slightly ahead on claims despite what seemed like a never ending stream of them. Someone on FB mentioned that Rubio's is having a job faire, so I texted Bryan as much, but I figured he'd be sleeping. Our meeting largely went well, I avoided the chips, which isn't that difficult to do, worked out 3 times in my office, since I figured I wouldn't have a chance to hit the gym.

Bought essentials at the store, avoided vegan mayo, got quarters. Got a reply from Bryan, but not about the job faire. Jeff was at my place, standing next to a chair and drifting in and out of consciousness. I walked in to find an even more disheveled looking than usual Jeff, shirt open, pants literally falling off his ass, clearly high. This, of course, is somewhat upsetting. More upsetting though was that my first thought was not upset, but rather how fucking hot he looked, and a little jealousy over all the sex he surely must be having. Really, I was more disturbed by my reaction to his appearance than his appearance itself.

Bryan was passed out on his bed, naked except for his robe, but he woke up a few minutes later. He's got some kind of very very painful STD, but might also be able to get a place of his own through the Youth Housing. I'm kind of upset with myself that I didn't think of it first, really.

Jeff followed me into my room rambling about a number of topics. I couldn't make out most of them, but he mentioned wanting to shove someone's face into a blender. Repeatedly. Was almost crying over it at one point. And I'm still not sure who it was. I finally extricated myself to do laundry, review Express This Way, and spend some time with Lady Miss Friday before rehearsal. I put my towels out to dry on the balcony, and it's horrible out there. I'm amazed I have any cups left inside, bags and bags of trash (which I guess could be worse), broken pipes, etc. I really need to get my place back to myself ASAP, or I'm gonna get kicked out myself.

I realized I'd missed a rehearsal last Monday - our first for Mama's Broken Heart - but downloaded the video. It's horrible. A tiny bit of line dancing, because Country Music, but then just...shit. Got to rehearsal a little early, went over the choreography we'd learned with some boys who weren't previously there. Joe and Keith said we'd just be learning the second half of it instead of reviewing the first half. That's fine, I've got the video to rehearse with. Unfortunately, Joe and Keith were making up large swaths on the fly. Like....all of it, and asking each other how much more music they had to fill. I can't with this. One of the other dancers came up to me after to ask what I'd been doing to lose weight, which is at least nice to hear.


Jeff had passed out on the couch when I left for rehearsal, but was hanging on to consciousness watching some show on Netflix when I came back. I told him it needed to be turned way down because I was going to bed, and Bryan co-signed. He turned it down, I went to bed with Lady Miss Friday, but he walked in a few minutes later. Took him a few minutes to talk, but he finally mentioned that the other guy on the couch (Nick) had stolen some of my dick pills, and his initial plan was to try to leverage them for...something? I can always get more pills, I'd have given them away if he'd asked. I'm angry that this random guy decided to take advantage of the place giving him shelter, and I'm angry that Jeff let him in my room at all, much less let him steal from me.

It took me far too long to get to sleep.
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Woke up to a text message from Julian, saying he thinks about me every day. I still don't know what to say to him, so I still say nothing. Eric was still sleeping when I left, Lady Miss Friday had retired to a cubby. Iced my leg all day at work - the first 72 hours after an injury is the most important in terms of healing time, and I really couldn't do much the first 48. But I could've done something.

Tim messaged me during the day to ask for advice for Kirby and let me know he had him there. Kirby apparently left work to go to the emergency room and was fired for it. That's a big nono. Actually, his work had a lot of nonos, and I'm kind of glad they've got this MASSIVE cherry to topple the sundae. I told him what his next steps should be, but I'm not getting invested in any of that. Kirby has decided to move out of his current place because his roommate does meth and fucked all day. In fairness, he didn't have a problem with me fucking all day, so the dealbreaker is clearly chems, and he was actually paying for this space. That being said, it's not like he had to share a room with guy.

Briefly thought about going to the store on my way home, because I'm almost out of "meatballs" but I didn't have any bags, so I told myself I'd go before rehearsal. Eric was gone when I got home, but Bryan and Jeff were both home, Jeff looking ever more homeless. He mumbled something about trying to get into Stepping Stone in the morning, and that he would try again tomorrow. I think you have to be sober for a certain period of time before they'll even let you on the wait list, but I'm not 100 % sure. He took out the recycling with me then walked...somewhere, still mumbling.

Bryan needs me to help him with his resume, but my new printer isn't connecting properly to my computer. I'm destined to be home printerless. I'll bring it in to work and scan it.

This was our first performance in front of the chorus, and I was awesome. This was also our first night with costumes for Cell Block. I thought the shrug they mentioned was going to be full sleeves, but it's literally just the shoulders. So then bicep curls in addition to crunches between now and Saturday. A couple people made a couple flubs, but I wasn't one of them, and several chorus members came up to me after to tell me I'm awesome. And a couple came up to me to tell me they want to sleep with me. Which is also fine.


Since I didn't manage the store before rehearsal, and rehearsal gets out at 10, of course I didn't make it. Jeff and Bryan were both home when I finally got there, watching Dana Carvey's new standup, though it was mercifully almost over. Jeff crashed, I retired to my room, and finally crashed myself a little after 11, only to be woken up at midnight by the TV suddenly turning on full volume again. I walked out and asked Bryan to turn it down and he looked at me for a second before he complied....turning it down all of 3 clicks. I kind of hate that I even had to wrestle with myself, but I texted him to tell him to turn it down to the point I couldn't hear it through my wall. He definitely wasn't doing it to piss me off. He was either completely oblivious that midnight is an inappropriate time to have the TV on full blast, or was actively trying to fuck with Jeff.
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Not quite as productive as the day before, but not anywhere near as bad as Monday and Tuesday. There were bagels and later an ice cream party for one of the law clerk's last days. I had a couple bagels, but no ice cream. Iced my finger and leg all day, the leg is feeling better, the finger isn't making as much progress as I'd hoped. One of the young gents who had previously had designs on moving out to SD and staying with me while he got on his feet messaged me. He's quit his job at McDonalds, almost gave a cam performer $300, and is depressed. I asked about a therapist, but they "can't fix the world." No, none of us can. But they can help you cope with it.

Towards the end of the day, Jeff messaged me, saying I should meet some friends of his. One I've been trying to hook up with forever anyway, and the other I've never seen before. He also thanked me for asking after him earlier in the week. He'd gone to coffee and lunch with Jesse, but Jesse opted to go home instead of coming back to my place, and got kind of weird about it. I've previously offered Jesse a place to stay, but since he's been crashing with friends for almost a year or more, I want him to have some kind of plan in place before he does. Jeff agrees there's more going on there than Jesse lets on. Jeff wanted to get him naked, but both of them were "insanely tired." In another giant step for Squeaks everywhere overcoming anxiety, I told him I'd rather he not trick in my apartment without me there. Apparently the start of our fucking a few weeks ago was squeaked Squeak telling him "I'd like to have more sex with you." I vaguely recall saying something to that effect, now that I'm reminded.

We talked more when I got home, and then when I gave him a ride to Aidan's place. He's fine not tricking at my place. Doesn't want that momentary blip of silence while I get my emotions under control to come between us, even for that second. Which is pretty insightful, really. Also, he and Bryan *really* don't like each other. One of the guys he wants me to meet up with tricked with Bryan at my place (I'm not attracted to Bryan, so idgaf), and thought it was Bryan's place. So when Jeff said he should meet "me," and gave my address, he declined to meet up with the "neurotic twink who had to change his clothes before they could fuck." I'm arguably neurotic, but I've never been a twink, and I rarely change my clothes at all, much less needing to do that to trick. Jeff apparently started laughing while the guy was still inside him at the confusion.

It was a little awkward, because Jeff was very clearly very very high. *Dripping* sweat, pupils down to pinpoints, furtive movements. I wondered if he wasn't doing a Hover impression for a bit. And I wondered if that's what it's like to talk to me when I'm drunk and/or high on music.

My next stop was meeting a visiting boy off Scruff for coffee. He'd woofed at me earlier in the week and unlocked pics, but didn't actually want to hook up. He plays the oboe and didn't mind my leaving the conversation to go pet the saggy pit bull outside. He couldn't remember where he'd parked, but needed cash back anyway, so we walked over to Walgreens where Kenneth is now working.

Tim asked to come by with Pupple but ended up sucked into watching Iron Fist with Bryan. This suits me fine, as I really just wanted to lay down with Lady Miss Friday. I gave Pupple his cheese, a couple treats, and a belly rub but then retreated to my room. I got cleaned up and despite a frightening amount of blood when I started, seemed to be fine later.

Don scheduled me for 9, lives out past Friars on Mission Gorge. Google maps decided to die a couple times on the way, but I knew the general direction to go. Also some confusion on parking, but we finally got inside. He doesn't fuck bare, and has a habit of biting when he kisses. But he was happy and I came for him, and there was no blood. Another satisfied fan.
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Found decent parking in the morning, got everything set up for breakfast. Everyone loved the spread, our accountant was amazed that I stayed under $40.

Meeting with my boss went well - she's happy with the level of work I'm maintaining. I'm disappointed I couldn't handle all the extra work that had been added, but it's just not realistic without working overtime. More importantly, ADI is not where I want to be forever. If SWoRN can be a thing that I do forever, that would be amazing. If SWoRN gets established, and never goes beyond a volunteer program, that's also fine, as starting and running even a volunteer organization is better than data entry.


I was gonna stop at the gym on the way home, and then I was gonna stop at my friend's birthday, but Ryan messaged me asking if he could borrow some gear from me. Shane texted me in the afternoon, saying hi, and mentioning he hadn't told me his plans. Nope, sure hadn't.....it was another 4 hours before he texted me again.

I went to my friend's welcome back party & game night, but only managed a drink and a half in the 3 hours I was there. The alcohol was really not agreeing with me, so I headed home to wait for Shane. He fell asleep on the bus, so ended up at the border and got to my place around 12. We chatted, he went for a burrito (apparently La Fuente has karaoke now?), I went to bed. In an unusual move, I offered him his choice of the mattress in the living room or my bed. He decided on the living room.

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