Feb. 15th, 2017

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I got a little more sleep, which was good because Suzanne is still out and I had a backlog of work to take care of. I'd thought that I had the fundraiser with Sosa tonight, but that's in March. Great! Hugo asked if I would make an appointment for him after all, as he's in pain and concerned. Had to get some info from him, including symptoms, but he just said his back hurts. The only spot they had was 8am tomorrow, which is going to be great fun for him given that he normally wakes up after noon. While I was at it, I made an appointment for myself for the evening. I'm probably due. I hadn't heard from Hugo after that, so I just headed home after work. I journaled some, ate some pita, and messaged with the 16 y/o from Iowa. He wants to propose to me, but also just "got broken up with" by a guy he met last week. And now the guy's blocked him on Snap/FB/Grindr/WhatsApp/Carrier Pigeon....because when he doesn't get an answer right away on one, he messages via another. He's got a poz/bug chasing fetish and is into fisting porn. He barebacks when he has sex because "if it's not bare, it's not sex."

I'm fascinated and horrified by this. Fascinated because I'm world-boilingly jealous of his knowledge of self at that age. Horrified because he doesn't get tested. Like, ever. For anything. He's on his parent's insurance and would have to explain to them why he was wanting to go to the dr. and he doesn't talk sex with his therapist because he's concerned that since bb sex might qualify as "harm to oneself" she'd tell his parents. I don't know enough about Iowa's doctor-patient privilege laws, but I'm going to try to find him some resources.

Around 5:45, Hugo messaged me via both text and WhatsApp that he was at Flick's waiting for me. Oh, okay...we didn't have any plans to be there, but sure. Got ready really quickly and headed out, but still got a "where are you" message all of 5 min later. He'd been talking on the phone with a friend of his for 4 hours, and just sort of wandered up from his place to Hillcrest. He really loves walking. We walked over to Whole Foods, but he didn't see anything he wanted there. It was nice, of course, to just hold his hand. Neither of us had plans for the night, but the community meeting for the Imperial Court was at the Center, so we walked over there. IC does a lot of good work - they raised over 90k last year for various causes, host a number of family events, etc. But good lord the pomp at their events. Most of the audience was either a reigning court official or a former one, and each one had to be introduced by their official title, followed by applause. It was a 15 min discussion that stretched over an hour. Hugo got annoyed/impatient, but then calmed down.

Since his appointment was at 8, he suggested he spend the night, because otherwise he might not wake up in time. Suits me fine. We parked at his place, then walked over to Cafe Gratitude so he could get some dinner to go. We talked more about his symptoms on the way, and it turns out by his "back" hurting, he really meant his ass. That sort of changes things. He hasn't bottomed....but one guy came on his hole - the Daddy, about 3 weeks ago.

But that started gears turning in my head and spewing out bits of red haze. 3 weeks ago was just before he left for HI, when his communication was intermittent and I declined sex with him because he was being really weird. In fact, that was the day he'd said he was talking to the Daddy, disappeared for a few hours, then said the Daddy wasn't online. Oh, maybe it was 2 weeks ago...he was in HI then. Oh, it was another boy, and he just got a bj, but couldn't get hard because he wasn't randy. None of this was making any sense at this point, and according to him, he's had way more sex that didn't pan out because he wasn't randy than anyone his age should. This strikes me as his version of "we mostly talked about you!" that I used to get from Ken and Julian.

I've been far from celibate at this point, but it's worth noting that I'd been going to take Hugo with me to my endeavors until all of this nonsense started happening. He kept asking what was wrong, that he could tell from my eyes that something was, and saying it's a Pisces Rising trait to internalize things. None of it means anything to me, but we've got one more week wherein we probably won't have sex anyway. I can deal.

He ate his $20 dinner at home. I tried a small bite, but it just tasted like mashed sweet potatoes to me. Not bad, but that's like...$1, not $20. We finally crashed, but I had dreams of him being on his phone, telling me to go back to sleep, and then sleep molesting me.


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