Jan. 5th, 2017

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Overcast on my way to work, and it started raining pretty much as soon as I got in. Work was busy but successful. I'd hoped to work out twice in my office, but only managed once. Better than none. Towards the end of the day, Tim asked if he could use my computer/printer. My printer is basically shot since Brian printed so many things on it, but of course my computer is fine for him to use. I missed the worst of the rain traffic, and the worst of the rain. Tim walked in just a few minutes after me, made a cup of tea and settled on the couch. So....about that computer usage....

I feel terrible, because I keep having to kick him out, and it feels like a rejection for both of us. And I think he feels like my place is a second home. But I increasingly feel like I have no space of my own when he's there - like I can't do anything I'd planned. And then I get anxious for something, *anything* to do, and then I eat everything in the house.

He left around 7:30, so there's no reason I couldn't have still gone to the gym, the store, etc. But I felt really down all of a sudden. Did a quick workout in the living room, watched Hover run around. He sat in my hand for the first time, which should be cause for confetti. CJ even hit me up to fuck again. But the entire rest of the night I was on the verge of tears, which is patently absurd. I'm blaming the high from this weekend and yesterday's success for today's crash. Had a couple glasses of wine, didn't manage to even jerk off, finally went to bed.


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